Picture UCLA's Website Reports a Close Game
Blowouts are triple-digit losses. Everyone knows that.
Video Outkast is a Big Phil Fulmer Fan
Or, more likely, they realize that Derek Dooley sucks.
Picture Victoria's Secret Doesn't Follow the Michigan-Michigan State Rivalry Very Closely
They have a great line of Ohio State Wolverines shirts, too.
Opinion The 8 People Who Will Play in Your Family's Turkey Day Football Game
The Little Kid
It’s your nephew or your little cousin. And he’s the worst player on the field. He’s also the most valuable player on the field because the other side will be guilted into giving him a free touchdown or two so his little feelings don’t get hurt. You’ll want to lock him up with the first pick.
Position: WR/DL/in-the-way
The Injury-Prone Uncle
Once the teams are all settled up, the game begins. But it doesn’t officially begin until a play or two later when Uncle Jerry somehow snaps his femur running a crossing route at 3 miles per hour. Then you have to find two replacements — one for Uncle Jerry and one for the person rushing him to the hospital — before the game can begin again and for real.
Position: WR then fetal
The Guy Who Takes It Too Seriously
The game is supposed to be a fun activity to burn off some calories, but he’s treating the family Turkey Bowl like it’s the Super Bowl. Drop a pass and he’ll be on your ass. And you better not forget any of the two dozen plays or blitz schemes he’s drawn up. And don’t bother complaining when he drops Aunt Gladys with a clothesline. YOU DON’T COME ACROSS THE MIDDLE IN MY BACKYARD, AUNT GLADYS!
Position: QB/CB who plays aggressive bump coverage
News SEC Secedes from the United States
“When in the Course of human events,” reads the SEC’s Declaration of Independence in its entirety, “it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of … okay. This is boring. Basically, we’re awesome at football and the rest of you suck, okay? Get lost.”
The new country is calling itself simply “SEC”, the national anthem is repeated chanting of “S-E-C!”, the currency is conference ticket stubs — SEC West ticket stubs serving as $20 bills and SEC East ticket stubs as $1 bills — and the primary export of the nation is speed.
President Obama called SEC commissioner Mike Slive in hopes of keeping the union together, but Slive only mocked him for “going to Occidental College, whose football team is so awful even the SEC wouldn’t schedule them in a non-conference game.”
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I'm sure everyone was very careful around her. Mobs are always polite.
Video BYU Fans are the Coolest
That style of dance is actually banned in many parts of Utah.
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