1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.
1 In those days the athletic director issued a decree that the coach must start winning and soon. 2 (This was the first such demand since he was hired to replace the AD who had hired the coach.) 3 And everyone went to message boards to spread rumors.
4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
4 So the coach went up from the football office on campus in the middle of the state to the high school of David, because he had a good relationship with the head coach of the team there, David. 5 He went there to talk with the Mary, whose son played for the school and was a very athletic child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the boy to play, 7 and she cheered him on, her son. And she stressed to the coach that they had no clothes, and that they were going to get evicted and there was no room for them at the inn.
"This is a great program. A supportive program," said Newton. "Other schools have Secret Santa's, but the thing that's great about ours is that it is year-round. In fact, I've been getting gifts since the day I enrolled here."
Most of the cash, goods, electronics and services Newton has been given have had no Christmas markings at all.
"Clearly my Secret Santa is just trying to keep me in the dark about who he is," said Newton. "That's why he changes things up like that. In fact, sometimes he'll just have a booster or alum hand me an envelope of cash to throw me off the scent even more."
It is the Heisman of beards. (via EDSBS)
Greg Oden = Christmas Tree
Like Greg Oden, the Christmas tree starts the season tall, strong and full of promise. But before long, they're both decaying in front of your eyes and you eventually have to just put them out on the curb with the trash.
He's the greatest comedian from the South since Jeff Foxworthy.
"Much of being a legend is about fame," said Tyrell. "And while that's great, fame doesn't necessarily leave a positive impact on the world. Leaders do. So I wanted to play for a team that is associated with leaders. Let those other teams worry about being legends."
That football player is a bit skinny, though. They should give it steroids next time.
Whereas the good citizens of Idaho are mixed on his prospects.