Filed Under » NCAAF

Phone rings.

1. Me

   Hello?

   

2. Caller

   Hello. May I speak to the man or woman of the house?

3. Me

   This is he.

4. Caller

   Hi. This acting Penn State athletic director David Joyner and I’d like to talk to you about a great opportunity.

5. Me

   I don’t know. Can you call back some other time? I’m getting ready for dinner.

6. Caller

   I will only take a minute of your time. I promise.

7. Me

   Sure. Fine. Go ahead.

8. Caller

   I am calling to offer you the position of head football coach at Penn State.

9. Me

   Hmmm. No thanks.

10. Caller

    It’s a very prestigious program.

11. Me

    I’m sure it is. I’m just not interested right now. I already have a job. How did you get my number?

12. Caller

    We’re just going through the phone book and calling every number.

13. Me

    Shouldn’t you be contacting coaches? I’m not a coach.

14. Caller

    We tried that. It didn’t go very … well, now we’re expanding the opportunity to the general public. Can I tell you more about it? Our stadium seats nearly 110,000, we routinely make bowl games and we can pay your more than $1 million!

2. Your head coach is undefeated. Because he is an interim coach and he’s 0-0 for his career.

3. The majority of people at the game are wearing shoulder pads.

4. Most of the fans in the stands are wearing coats.

5. Several players violated team rules and were suspended not only for practice, but for the actual game.

6. The announcers spend the majority of the game talking about the players’ NFL prospects and bowl games that are on later.

7. The announcers keep telling you that both teams are playing for “pride” and for “these seniors.”

8. No one is chanting “S-E-C!”