Filed Under » NCAAF

The NCAA has placed Johnson and Wales University, a Division III college in Providence, Rhode Island, on two years probation following an investigation launched last month that revealed several student-athletes received extra slices of bacon on chicken sandwiches at the school’s dining hall from August 2009 until February 2011.

“NCAA rules clearly state that if a student wants more toppings then the student must pay for it themselves. I guess some people think the rules don’t apply to them,” said Johnson and Wales President Mark Hilton.

Among the terms of the probation, the NCAA has announced that, hypothetically, if the school had a football program and, also hypothetically, if the football team gave out scholarships, then they would lose three per season over the next three years, hypothetically speaking. It must also vacate all wins from the tennis and rugby teams’ 2-11 and 1-14 seasons, respectively, in 2010.

The NCAA has announced that starting in Fall 2011, qualifying student-athletes will receive a monthly stipend of 20 “NCAA Buckz” — a token-based currency the NCAA hopes will help alleviate some of the financial burden faced by many players.

“College athletics have evolved into a multi-billion dollar industry,” explained NCAA President Mark Emmert in a morning press conference. “And though we feel $30,000 a year in tuition and room-and-board is more than adequate compensation, we understand that the needs of modern student-athletes necessitate some form of extra payment system.”

Emmert then nodded off stage and a huge curtain fell behind him, unveiling the new “NCAA Buckz” logo and planned coin design.

“Now, with NCAA Buckz, we can do just that,” he continued. “Tokens may be used on anything an athlete desires from the clearance section in the NCAA’s online store. This means everything from irregular NCAA sweaters to some non-irregular sweaters to shower sandals is available for purchase.”