Filed Under » NBA

Professional athletes often find themselves surround by beautiful women. But what happens when one of these beautiful women wants to talk to you — and it’s not for sex? What if they’re a reporter who may not be open to your advances?

It’s a tricky situation. So keep these tips in mind.

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1. Do NOT stare at her breasts when she is interviewing you

Yes, they sure are nice ones. And your impressive height not only helped you get where you are as an athlete, but it also allows you to fully enjoy her cleavage; it’s hard not to take advantage of that. Yet you still shouldn’t stare at her breasts. She may find it offensive. Also, by staring at her breasts, you’re missing out on that ass. BOOM! Shake that thing, girl!

If you’re buying something at a game and are too lazy to leave your seat, chances are you’ll buy it from one of these people.

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#1 — The Oldtimer

He’s the first guy you see as you walk into the concourse. Relegated to a stool, selling programs and scorecards, his yellowed, foggy eyes have witnessed every team championship of the last half century. While his mouth might not say much, his stooped posture, trembling hands, and withered cheeks all seem to say the same thing: I haven’t pooped in a week.

Likely a veteran of war and a vestige of American perseverance, his dignity seems a little compromised when a little kid in an oversized jersey points at him and says, Daddy, is that a troll? Semper fi, Oldtimer.

Tommy John isn’t the only athlete with a surgery named after him.

Here are a few others.

What’s annoying about mascots is that they’re adored for doing obnoxious things that would otherwise get an un-costumed person beat up. Their small language capacities and gargantuan heads perpetuate the age-old stereotype that they’re mentally retarded, which, despicably, is the reason why folks find them so entertaining. Yet some mascots, in addition to being obnoxious, are entirely irrelevant to the city or team they represent.

#1 — Southpaw of the Chicago White Sox