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Washington Wizards point guard John Wall announced today that his eponymous dance will now conclude with silent weeping and a holding of the head.

“You always have to keep it fresh. I don’t want the kids to see the John Wall Dance as dated,” said the 2010 No. 1 overall point. “At the same time, I want it to be real and to reflect who I am right now. And that’s sad a depressed.”

The Wizards have the worst record in the NBA at 1-8 and Wall’s numbers are well below his rookie year performance.

“With the old John Wall Dance, it started with the flexing,” said Wall. “It still does. But sometimes now, you can skip right through the early part and just do the silent weeping. I do that now after most of my shots.”

Former NBA star and now Weight Watchers spokesman Charles Barkley slipped from his diet last night when he ate an entire 114-pound stripper at Babes Cabaret Gentlemen’s Club in Scottsdale, Ariz.

“I was so hungry,” said Barkley. “For dinner I only had some baked chicken and a vegetable medley or something. It’s tough to always count calories. Me and Brandi were fooling around a little bit, her cleavage smelled like cocoa butter, which reminded me a little bit of cookies and … before I knew it, I had picked the meat clean from her entire torso.”

With only the legs and arms remaining of Brandi, Barkley continued eating the rest of her to cover up any evidence, should anyone notice the 22 year-old Arizona State student missing.

“I think it proves how effective Weight Watchers is,” said Barkley. “My appetite isn’t what it used to be thanks to them. Full after half a stripper? That never would have happened before.”