Opinion 7 Ways Taking Someone to a Sporting Event is the Same as a Super-Romantic Date
#1 – Extremely expensive food
What's the best way to impress a date? Take her to an expensive restaurant, of course!
But even the most expensive 5-star restaurant in town doesn't charge $6 for soda or $5 for water. This concession stand does, though — so it must be the best restaurant in town! Your date will no doubt be impressed by your big-spending ways and your ways in the art of love.
#2 – Fine clothing
The finest establishments require patrons to wear expensive clothing. See that guy over there in that jersey? And that guy there? And her over there? And me? These are authentic jerseys. They cost $250. That's right, baby — 250. Just for a shirt. We're practically at a Milan fashion show here.
#3 – Dancing
Fancy clothing. Expensive dinner. Now it's time to dance … because they're playing Gangnam Style during the timeout! WOOOOOOOOO! Heyyyyyyyyy … sex-y la-dy!
Picture Michal Jordan to Play for the Carolina Hurricanes
He's probably better at hockey than he was at baseball.
Video Dallas Mavericks Do the Harlem Shake
Germans are known for their dancing ability.
Picture J.J. Watt is Miniature Next to Yao Ming
The Jets will now sign Yao Ming to be a pass rusher.
Video Mike Bibby Gets Ejected from His Son's High School Basketball Game
Nice sweatpants, dad!
Video Timofey Mozgov Fulfills Life's Role Again by Getting Dunked On
He should get posterizing contract incentives.
Opinion 10 Pope Candidates from the Sports World
1. Jon Gruden
Pro: When any big job opens up, Gruden's name is mentioned. He would definitely bring enthusiasm to the position.
Con: The job might be too much for him. Gruden would no doubt stay up all night watching film of people sinning, trying to come up with game plans to help them overcome it. With more than 7 billion sinners in the world, the quantity of sin tape would be overwhelming. The papacy might burn him out fast.
2. Tim Tebow
Pro: Tebow is one of the world's best known Christians and could soon be forced to look for a new line of work.
Con: Tebow is not Catholic. He is an evangelical Christian. Big difference. However, Tebow might be willing to convert if he is promised to be No. 1 on the Catholic depth chart at the faith's most important position.
3. Todd Graham
Pro: The Arizona State head football coach is always looking for a new and better job and will no doubt at least have his agent acquire about the position. Pope is no doubt a "dream job."
Con: Todd Graham has a black, rotten soul. God probably doesn't want Todd Graham to be his top human pal.
4. Lionel Messi
Pro: The world's best soccer player is a devout Catholic. The Church has seen a dramatic decline in Europe in recent years. Making a football star the pope could get many football-mad Europeans interested in Catholicism again.
Con: Messi would no doubt have to miss many matches in order to do pope stuff. Being robbed of the sport's greatest player in his prime could turn many against the Church. Also, with Messi out of the way, Cristiano Ronaldo becomes the world's best player and no one wants that.
Opinion The 25 Most Unbelievable Sports Facts: Part 2!
1. The original owner of the Detroit Tigers was killed by a tiger attack while on vacation in Bangladesh.
2. Dunking a basketball is against the law in Belgium and can earn a week in jail and a €750 fine.
3. Testing done in 1991 found that the Stanley Cup is covered in more fecal bacteria than the average public restroom toilet.
4. The distance of the Indianapolis 500 is actually 494.6 miles.
5. The first protective cups were made from the shells of lobster tails.
