He could also play for the Chargers.
His city is awesomely crude.
"We received word today that while the nation continues to support the people of Boston, sports fans will begin hating the Red Sox again very soon," said a Red Sox front office source. "While I wish that wasn't the case, I completely understand it. I mean, I supported New York after 9/11 and felt great compassion and heartbreak for everyone there, but I still loved it when they lost the 2001 World Series. The people of New York and what New York City represents is not the same as the Yankees baseball team. Screw the Yankees, right?"
Had the chase for the remaining suspect stretched on for several more days, Boston's teams would likely have received near-unanimous support well into next week, but Friday night's speedy resolution means that support will dissipate over the weekend.
"It's not surprising, especially with the playoffs starting," said Celtics head coach Doc Rivers. "Right or wrong, people move on. Although the one thing we might have going for us is that we're playing the Knicks. A lot of fans hate them, too. We might be the least disagreeable option. At least for a series."
Patriots owner Robert Kraft says he has learned the Patriots were never viewed in a sympathetic light.
"Unlike the other three teams, we are not in season," said Kraft. "So no one ever felt the need to stop hating us. We remain universally loathed outside of New England. It's been business as usual around here."
How could this happen? They both look so slim. They must eat healthy diets.
- Rays - it's easy for the talented Rays to turn it around and stay positive because there are no fans in the stands to boo or heckle them
- Marlins - they have an evil owner who knowingly fielded a team of nobodies ... it's basically the plot of "Major League"!
- Indians - they are the Cleveland Indians and they're in last place ... it's basically the plot of "Major League"!
- Astros - at some point all of those strikeouts will probably start falling in for hits
- Padres - they'll turn things around as soon as they move the Petco fences in to 200-feet when they're batting and back to 700-feet when the opponent is batting
- Cubs - they'll start winning once they get to play all those NL Central games against the Astros and then go on a tear from there. What? Ohmigod. Poor Cubs.
- - -
Let this be a reminder: People with giant hand deformities can be athletes, too.
"You almost don't want to talk about it because you don't want to jinx it," said catcher Brian McCann. "But, yeah, with the start we've had, we have talked about it, sure. This team, the 2013 Braves we have a chance to have the biggest collapse in baseball history. It's exciting."
McCann and other Braves know they can't look ahead, however.
"It's only April. We have a lot of games left to win before we start thinking about falling apart," said first baseman Freddie Freeman. "But I promise this team won't let up trying to accomplish a historic letdown."
Maybe this will replace wrestling at the Olympics.