You already have a fur coat, you pussy/dog.
Gaby Sanchez and Wandy Rodriguez clearly have the gift of comedy.
Lebron James and James Woods!
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Joe Flacco and Ann Curry!
Playlist April's Funniest Sports Videos
Most of the hitting infections have occurred near Houston, Anaheim, San Diego, Toronto and Philadelphia, as pitchers in those cities have been found to have the type of slow fastballs and hanging curveballs on which the virus thrives.
According to the CDC's analysis, the virus has been active for years but started to spread actively several weeks ago when Astros pitcher Philip Humber repeatedly grooved fastballs to Cleveland Indians hitters in a 19-6 loss. A highly contagious form of hitting has spread ever since.
The CDC fears worries it will be difficult to control.
"Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay was spreading hitting to everyone in his first few starts of the season, but then it went into remission for a few weeks," said Phillies team physician Geoff Hartman. "We though it might be under control. Unfortunately, it flared up worse than ever Tuesday night, when he gave out eight runs on nine hits and three home runs in just three innings. I've never seen hitting become that contagious that fast. It's terrifying."
Gallery April's Funniest Sports Photos
"At my lowest point, I never dreamed of being where I am today," said Hamilton. "I dreamed more about playing really well for a good team. But sometimes things don't work out quite like you'd hope. If you had offered me .202 and getting booed back in 2005, would have taken it. At least, I probably would have."
One definite positive of Hamilton's current situation is that he is getting paid $17 million to be a massive, gaping hole in the middle of Anaheim's lineup with $106 million more due to him in the next four years.
"I suspect the Angels want me to hit, like, lots of home runs and have a high batting average and stuff like that," said Hamilton. "But I think they would agree that even if I never get another hit in my entire life, my life's story is pretty remarkable. As remarkable as the fact that major league contracts are completely guaranteed? No. But remarkable nonetheless."
She didn't get electrocuted, so that's good.
"We don't have a specific number in mind, but we're thinking somewhere between five and seven," stated Rizzo. "We feel like it's a fair number that allows us to be competitive without shortchanging the fans, Stephen, or ourselves."
"If we want a chance at the playoffs, we obviously need to keep Stephen healthy," he continued. "But more importantly, we need him to stop losing games."
Strasburg's four losses tie him for the league lead and place him just two shy of his career high set last season when he finished at 15-6, leading the Nationals to a 98-64 finish atop the NL East standings. Thus far through the 2013 season, the National are under .500 at 10-11, behind the Braves and Mets in third place.
"All these losses are starting to wear down and take their toll on our record, and obviously our record is very important to us," said manager Davey Johnson. "We care about it. We want it to be strong not just now, but in the future. So, naturally, limiting the number of losses was the logical choice."
Picture Massive Dumps at Orioles Game
You're on notice, Camden Yards janitors.