News Joe Mauer Eyeing 28-for-28 Finish To Reach .400
With only three games left in the regular season, Minnesota Twins catcher Joe Mauer is within reach of baseball immortality. If he can string together a few hits in the final weekend of the season, Mauer can be the first player to hit .400 since Ted Williams in 1941.
"It won't be easy," says Mauer, who will need to go 28-for-28 in the three closing games against the Royals to get it done. "But hitting .400 isn't easy."
Twins manager Ron Gardenhire says the toughest part for his young catcher will be getting off to a good start.
"If he can open the series with a nice 10-for-10 or 11-for-11 game, I think everything else will fall into place," said Gardenhire. "But we have to help him out, too. We have to put him in situations where he is getting good pitches to hit. Also, we have to play 20-inning games."
Mauer enters the series hitting .367 on the season, needing to up his average only 33 points over the final three games to reach the milestone.
"Back at the start of the season I raised my average from .000 to .700 in three games," says Mauer. "I know I can do something like that again. In fact, .400 might even be a conservative goal."
While Mauer and the Twins are eyeing history, the Royals say they don't want to be the team Mauer achieves history against.
"No one wants to be the pitcher who let a guy hit .400," says Royals ace Zach Greinke. "And absolutely no one wants to be the pitcher who let a guy go 11-for-11 off of them. Although I don't know if my arm has enough in it at this point in the season to throw 20 innings."
At the end of the weekend, Mauer will either reach .400 or he won't. And he knows it. The pressure is on.
"I'm honestly not too nervous," he says. "There is room for error. I don't have to be perfect. I can foul some pitches off. Or I can go 29-for-30. I'll be okay."
Picture Men in Colorado spray champagne to mark the first day of Rocktober, a regional celebration held every other autumn.
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Picture Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Jayson Werth celebrates the team's division championship by blowing cigar smoke out of what appears to be some sort o
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News Frustrated Third Base Coach Changes Swing Sign To Middle Finger
As a disappointing season winds down that saw the team's total runs scored and batting average both drop significantly, White Sox third base coach Jeff Cox has taken it upon himself to change the team's "swing away" sign. Gone is the old sign two taps on the right ear lobe followed by a touch to the wrist. And in its place is a much simple signal: two raised middle fingers extended directly at the batter.
"I can't tell you how much more enjoyable this has made the last two weeks," said Cox. "There's nothing like giving the finger over and over to these pieces of crap. They deserve it for how they've played this year. I think I actually prefer this to winning and being in the playoffs."
Cox has been been giving the swing sign to every batter on every pitch regardless of the game situation since the White Sox were officially eliminated from playoff contention. However, he does tweak the sign depending on the batter.
"For someone like Carlos Quentin, who has really sucked this year, I add a verbal element," says Cox.
That was displayed last night during Quentin's first at-bat when Cox gave him the two raised middle fingers, but then also verbally abused him.
"Yeah, swing away, you piece of crap!" Cox yelled down the line. "Yeah, I'm giving you the swing sign, ahole. Not like you can hit anything anyway. Try, though. Please try. I need a laugh."
Cox was asked to stop his profanity-strewn outburst by umpires and also by opposing players but he instead gave them the swing sign, too.
"I'm not doing anything these players haven't seen before," said Cox.
White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen agrees.
"I'm glad Jeff finally took the kid's gloves off," said Guillen. "For weeks I've been walking down the line of lockers and slapping all the guys in the face with my penis while I cuss them out. Cox is the supportive one around here."
Picture "This is essentially playoff baseball, okay? I need that level of intensity from you. So I'm not leaving here until I feel your nipples get hard.
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News The Best Thing About October Is That You Cannot Script It! -- By Tim McCarver
Hey there, baseball fans!It’s just about October, and if you’re like me, you are EXCITED.That means the World Series is going to be played soon.There are other months, like May, in which the World Series is NOT played.And so I look forward to October, because that is when the World Series is played.They did play the Series once back in 1803, when then-commissioner Earl “Shorty” Robinson moved the Series to January due to the Spanish-American War.But, in general, October is when the World Series is usually played.
And I know it’s our slogan at FOX, but I think it is appropriate to say again that you cannot script October!Other months, like September, have been scripted and shot into feature length films.Woody Allen, who is a famous director of movies, lives in New York City, made a film called “September” that was scripted.But that has yet to occur with October.
Anyway, the reason they say that you cannot script October is because all of the baseball games are played live.They are not scripted in advance.Back in 1245, White Stockings manager Timmy “The Tim” Raymond attempted to script his player’s at bats.But he soon realized that he could NOT control which pitches the opposing team’s pitcher chose to pitch.And so even THAT October was unscripted.How about that?
I’m really looking forward to this year’s playoffs because I want to see if the New York Yankees will come out as the best team in baseball.Many times, the team with the best record in baseball does NOT win the World Series, and therefore cannot be called the best team.You can have the second best record in baseball, and STILL win the World Series.That is the sort of thing you find out when the game is played in October.
Also, the Philadelphia Phillies will be in the playoffs this year.The Phillies, as you know, won the World Series LAST year.But that does not necessarily mean they will win the World Series THIS year.That is because these games are NEW, and have yet to be played.Ryan Howard is what we call a slugger.Because he hits the ball with the same kind of force a BOXER might use while slugging someone.Babe Ruth, also a slugger.
Ooh, a glass of water!What’s interesting about water is that it can be used for both drinking AND bathing.Many baseball players drink water during the game.Others do not.That’s known as a superstition, which is when someone employs a technique and/or talisman to ward off bad luck.Ha ha, maybe Ryan Howard drinks water so that the Phillies WILL repeat.But that is NOT what the Dutch call a fait accompli, because October cannot be scripted.
Until it’s over, and then it can probably be made into some sort of TRANSscript.
You know, friends, I once had sex with a TRANSvestite. It was after a few drinks during a layover at the Milwaukee airport. 1993, I think. He was a pretty lady. Good people in Milwaukee. He/she reminded me of Catfish Hunter in a way. This sexual encounter with a transvestite was also not scripted. Because it just so happened to occur in October. And because I had never been with a transvestite and didn't quite know how to manipulate a penis other than my own. But it was fun.
Just like October.
Which is unscripted.
As am I. Andyou.Especially if you are alive in the month of October, a month I consider to be the most unscripted of months.
