Gallery March's Funniest Sports Photos
Atlanta Braves: Lots of Uptons.
Baltimore Orioles: Hoping for back-to-back fluke seasons.
Boston Red Sox: At least we're not the Yankees.
Chicago Cubs: Old Style beer, new style losing.
Chicago White Sox: We have Florida Gulf Coast alum Chris Sale!
Cincinnati Reds: So good we only need to use our best pitcher 60 innings a season.
Colorado Rockies: Todd Helton knew Peyton Manning in college, so that's cool, right?
Cleveland Indians: Something to watch if "Major League" isn't airing on basic cable.
Detroit Tigers: Making you feel like you have a pro athlete's body!
Houston Astros: Not gonna lie. We're gonna suck. Hard.
Kansas City Royals: Proudly featuring 2013 Team USA World Baseball Classic first baseman Eric Hosmer!
Los Angeles Angels: Let's hope money buys championships. Oh, shit. The Lakers.
News Dr. James Andrews Unveils Superstar "FrankenAthlete" Made from Athlete Body Parts He's Collected Over the Years
"FrankenAthlete is the most physically perfect being ever created," said Andrews. "No single athlete could ever hope to defeat it."
Andrews has done surgeries during his career on Michael Jordan, Adrian Peterson, Jack Nicklaus, Robert Griffin III, Bo Jackson and countless other great athletes. He says he has combined parts and DNA he removed from all of them to grow FrankenAthlete.
"If any of my past patients have a problem with what I have done, I'd let them know that they agreed to this," said Andrews. "They need to read the fine print on their surgery paperwork a little better."
Yeah, more than a couple fans will get on him now.
- This isn't funny. There are real people hurting. Like their dozen or so players on the disabled list. AHHHHHHahahahaha.
- I plan to laugh at them this season approximately 200 million times.
- The 2013 Yankees have a chance to be the most hilarious baseball team since the 2012 Red Sox.
- I'm a Yankees fan, so I don't find it all that funny. But I'm totally cool if A-Rod gets humiliated.
- Eh. I think it's funnier when they think they're good and then get crushed in the playoffs.
That's 52% off misery!
He should do a parlay including every other MLB team dying in plane crashes.
News Cubs Hurriedly Preparing Wrigley Field for Opening Day by Clogging Toilets, Increasing Rat Population
"There are certain things fans expect when they come to Wrigley Field," said general manager Theo Epstein. "And the stench of urine and fecal matter is high on that list. Our stadium crew is working overtime to make sure Wrigley Field is sufficiently disgusting by April 8th."
Keeping Wrigley Field in a dilapidated state takes more effort than most fans might expect. The stadium needs to pass local, state and federal codes. It sits empty for six months out of the year plenty of time for plumbing and pest issues to be resolved and the Cubs are also flush with cash.
"It's really hard to block up a few hundred toilets that haven't been used in six months," said stadium manager Jeff Marciniak. "It takes weeks of over-filling them with bowel movements and dropping full rolls of toilet paper and beer bottles in them. And then we have to make sure everything is in place to sustain a large and healthy rat population. The way I look at it is this: You know how there are rock stars with messed up hair that looks like they just rolled out of bed? It takes hours to get hair like that. Wrigley Field is that rock star hair. A ton of hard work goes into the stadium being this shitty."
The sports world has many powerful figures. Roger Goodell. David Stern. Phil Knight. Scott Boras. But the powerful can't be powerful if there aren't nearby powerless to crush.
From more than 70,000 votes, here is who you determined to be the sports world's most powerless.
25. Jason Garrett
What's most powerful about him: Not constrained by having a soul.
What's least powerful about him: Has completely tarnished the value of an Ivy League education.
24. Athletes who don't take PEDs
What's most powerful about them: Have a clear conscience.
What's least powerful about them: Lose all the time.
23. Fantasy sports columnists
What's most powerful about them: Can spell "rotisserie" without looking it up.
What's least powerful about them: Receive noogies from baseball sabermetric nerds.
22. Ozzie Canseco
What's most powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.
What's least powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.