Filed Under » MLB

The Miami Marlins have cancelled all practices and games after the team's bat broke yesterday during a spring training exhibition against the Mets.

Miami's Giancarlo Stanton fouled off a pitch in on the hands in the fourth inning, shattering the bat and forcing the team to complete the game using just the handle. Following the game, the team decided it would cease all operations until they can get a new bat — or a used, but intact bat, as was the case with the team's previous model.

"All we can do right now is wait and hope for the best," said manager Mike Redmond. "I've put in a request to Mr. Loria for a new bat. We'll see what happens."

It's unlikely Redmond's request was met positively by Jeffrey Loria, the team owner. Wooden baseball bats, even used ones, cost in the tens of dollars. This fact is why Loria gave the team explicit instructions on the first day of spring training not to break the bat. "This is the only one you're getting all season," he reportedly told the team. "You need to learn how to respect property. Money doesn't grow on trees."

During that same address, Loria informed his players they would be getting paid this season in leaves.

The Houston Astros began full-team workouts for the 2013 season on February 16th and have spent every day since then out in the Florida sun working on one play.

"This is my first managing job," said Bo Porter, Houston's new skipper. "So I think I offer a kind of outsider's view, but one thing I do know about baseball is that home runs are good. It's my goal to have this team do a lot of them. But that takes practice and execution."

Porter is taking over a 55-107 team that is faced with moving to the AL West from the NL Central this season.

"I'm not looking for slightly improvement," said Porter. "I want to compete for the playoffs right away. And this explosive home run play can get us there."

The Astros spent Day 1 in camp breaking down film of home runs.

"I noticed that they go over the fence!" exclaimed shortstop Jacob Elmore. "That's the key."

Day 2 of camp consisted of Porter running through the various home run plays he had conceived in the offseason, titled Home Run Left, Home Run Left-Center, Home Run Center, Home Run Right-Center and Home Run Right.

"The play names are confusing, but I hope to learn them by Opening Day," said an outfielder named Oscar Cespedes or something like that.

A year after landing arguably the biggest free agent names, the Detroit Tigers have been relatively quiet this offseason, an act manager Jim Leyland attributes to appeasing his hibernating players.

"It was a long season. After the playoffs ended, the boys just hunkered down and never left the clubhouse," recalled Leyland. "As long as they emerge ready to play by the time the season starts, that's all that matters."

The issue of offseason hibernation is nothing new for Leyland, although this year represents the first time the entire team has participated. Previously, Miguel Cabrera spent his winter sleep in the equipment room.

"Oh yeah, we knew what we were getting with him. Every year the past four years, Miggy increases his fatty meat intake come October before nesting in the batting cages," whispered Leyland, carefully shining a flashlight into the clubhouse window to check on the players. "But this year with everyone together, it's special. It's a team bonding experience. We don't wanna ruin that."