Stuff You Might Have Heard

Vin Scully's shrieks of pain incredibly soothing and informative

March 19th 2010

Broadcasting legend Vin Scully was hospitalized overnight Thursday after he got up from bed too quickly, fell and bumped his head. EMTs who responded to the scene said the voice of the Dodgers...

Texas Rangers understand now why every sign includes nose rubbing

March 18th 2010

In the wake of the news that manager Ron Washington tested positive for cocaine last season, many members of the Texas Rangers say they now understand why every sign the team has includes nervous...

Republicans rip President Obama's Final Four picks

March 17th 2010

President Obama completed his NCAA Tournament bracket yesterday and reportedly slated Kansas, Kansas State, Kentucky and Villanova for the Final Four. Republicans immediately denounced his picks. "...

NCAA Tournament Selection Committee chairman sets up worst blind date ever

March 16th 2010

NCAA Tournament Selection Committee chairman Dan Guerrero set up his secretary, Debra Watkins, on a blind date last night that Watkins describes as "perhaps the most awkward thing ever." Her date...

David Beckham makes crutches the hot fashion item of Spring 2010

March 15th 2010

David Beckham had barely stopped screaming in pain on the pitch in Rome and already top male models from Milan to New York were walking the runway with a limp. And within hours, boutiques around...

Wrestling move prefaced with awkward apology

March 12th 2010

Dave Tanner won the Pennsylvania state high school wrestling championship today in the 128-pound division -- mercifully ending his season. "It's all just so weird," Tanner said of wrestling. "All...

Torii Hunter: Sammy Sosa is an "impostor" white man

March 11th 2010

Los Angeles Angels outfielder Torii Hunter continued to speak out on race today, reiterating his claim that Latino players are "impostors" as far as being considered black, and adding that former...

Athlete completely unaware he just ejaculated $10 million worth of semen into groupie

March 10th 2010

  Little does Texas Rangers reliever Jason Gaffigan know that the semen he ejaculated into a groupie he hooked up with last night will cost him $10 million in child support payments over the...

Geno Auriemma pads win total against another women's team

March 9th 2010

Geno Auriemma's UConn Huskies won their 71st game in a row Monday night, establishing a new NCAA record. But the fact that the victory came against a women's team did little to silence the...

Steelers fan assumed to be pro-rape

March 8th 2010

Pittsburgh Steelers fan Jeff Thompson says he has been getting a lot of awkward glances at work today. "I'm a Steelers fan. I have repeatedly said that I think Ben Roethlisberger is one of the best...

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