Athletes get a lot of fan mail. Here we share with you correspondence between sports personalities and their adoring public.

August 21, 2006

Roger:

Sorry you were pulled into a mini-controversy right away thanks to Bryant Gumbel’s comments. Gumbel is a total moron. He’s completely oblivious to the fact, or doesn’t care, that these types of sensitive issue need to be handled with discretion. There are people’s careers and reputations at stake. It’s personal stuff.

But Gumbel was right to a degree, of course. I do need to let you know where I keep Gene Upshaw’s leash. It’s in the third drawer down on the left side of my desk … well, your desk now. Also in that drawer you will find a leather mask, red ball gag harness, and a paddle. Remember Gene likes to get down on all fours. (I think it’s both because he likes being a submissive little whore, and because he has bad knees from his playing days.)

Anyway, have fun! And don’t forget to send me some pictures.

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