Athletes get a lot of fan mail. Here we share with you correspondence between sports personalities and their adoring public.

August 1, 2006

Dear Deion [Branch]:

Sorry to have not seen you in training camp. Hope you are well.

I don’t know if you have been keeping up with the news about the team while you’ve been holding out, but did you hear that I’ve been sleeping with this woman in New Jersey and have broken up her marriage? Yep. It’s a pretty messy divorce and it’s all over the news.

Anyway, in other Patriots-related adultery news, I’ve started sleeping with your wife. Turns out she’s quite a lay. And I’ll continue sleeping with her until you end your holdout and show up in camp.

Have a nice day.

Coach Belichick