Athletes get a lot of fan mail. Here we share with you correspondence between sports personalities and their adoring public.

June 27, 2006

Dear Selig:

I attended one of your mandated sensitivity training seminars and wasn’t surprised to see it was filled with a bunch of faggoty pussies. A bunch of men who used to have testicles crying like little girls about how their anger stems from being abused as a child or because their parents didn’t love them. Suck it up, homos.

So be aware that I’m not attending any more of these seminars. I don’t want to get gay all over me. Take your seminars and shove them up your butt … although you’d probably like that ‘cause you’re a fag.

Ozzie