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Brash Gronkowski Vows: “I have learned all the rules on what constitutes a completed catch”

New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski made one of the boldest claims in NFL history today, saying he has read and completely comprehends all of the NFL rules on what constitutes ... Continue Reading →
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Pro Tip for Ray Lewis: Don’t Define Tom Brady (Or Anyone, Yourself Included) by Just One Thing

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Report: Millions of Hopeless Morons Reading an NFL Mock Draft in Mid-January

According to Internet traffic metrics, millions of absolute dipshits have spent time in the days since the college football season ended reading prediction columns for how all the ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: P.J. Hairston Sets NBA Record for Flopping

That’s not flopping. That’s an attempted cartwheel. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Insane Woman the World’s Most Intense Arm Wrestler

WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH is right, ma’am. WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH is right. Continue Reading →
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New Bills Coach Rex Ryan Guarantees Jets Will Win the Super Bowl

Rex Ryan was introduced as the new head coach of the Buffalo Bills on Wednesday and immediately displayed his trademark personality, boldly guaranteeing again that the New York Jets ... Continue Reading →

Report: New Coach to be a Big Improvement Over Old Coach

According to team sources, the coach just hired to replace the old coach while be significantly better at coaching. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Junior Hockey Player Nearly Decapitates Himself Leaving the Ice

You’re fine. No one noticed. Totally smooth. Just re-attach your head and keep moving. Continue Reading →
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4 Reasons the CFB Playoff is Proof Humanity Evolves for the Better

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Ohio State’s 4th String QB Expected to Go No. 1 Overall in NFL Draft

Despite having never played in a game at the collegiate level, Ohio State’s fourth-string quarterback has become the odds-on candidate to go No. 1 overall in the 2015 NFL Draft. Continue Reading →
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11 New Elements to ESPN’s National Championship Game “MegaCast”

Draft Room – ESPN’s Mel Kiper and Todd McShay adjust their draft boards in real-time after each play of the National Championship Game while loudly arguing and doing lines ... Continue Reading →
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NFL Hangover: Is Peyton Manning the NFL Biggest Choker EVER? (nope)

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Peyton Manning Asks to be Buried with Products from All of His Favorite Brands

With Peyton Manning’s football career, and therefore life, essentially over, the longtime NFL quarterback and corporate spokesman has made some final requests for his death and ... Continue Reading →
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Honest NFL Headlines: Divisional Round

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New SportsPickle Shirt: 29047S SPORTS Shirt! (RETWOPECT This Shirt!)

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NFL Announces Divisional Round Games Will Appear Much Less Rigged

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that the league’s divisional round playoff games will not look nearly as pre-determined as last week’s wildcard round games ... Continue Reading →
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A Boston 2024 Olympic Bid (for all the Bostonians who don’t want the Olympics)

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Bengals Vow to Make No Changes in Attempt to Win Playoff Game Next Year

Despite being bounced from the playoffs in the wildcard round for the fourth consecutive year, it appears the Cincinnati Bengals have no intention to make any changes before next season. Continue Reading →