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All Athletic Children to be Incarcerated as Part of Long-Term Crime Prevention Program

In an wide-ranging agreement between the Justice Department, FBI, state police in all 50 states and municipal police forces throughout the United States, all American children with ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Rory McIlroy Hit His Drive Into a Spectator’s Pocket

Golf rules say you have to hit the guy with your club until the ball breaks loose. Continue Reading →
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Oscar Pistorius Promises New Drill Bit-Tipped Prosthetics Are Not for a Prison Escape

A South African judge has ruled Oscar Pistorius guilty of culpable homicide in the shooting death of his girlfriend. While not guilty of murder, Pistorius’ conviction can bring ... Continue Reading →
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14 Signs the Jersey You’re Wearing is Inappropriate

1. The player whose name is on the back of the jersey was involved in a violent crime. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: High School Football Coach Destroyed by Chest-Bump with Player

Hard to respect a coach who can’t withstand a simple full-speed chest bump. Continue Reading →
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Jesus Planning to Return for Derek Jeter’s Final Homestand

Jesus Christ, the son of God, member of the Holy Trinity, and Savior of the world, will reportedly make his triumphant return to Earth in order to see Derek Jeter’s final homestand ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Video of MMA Kid Includes World’s Greatest (Worst?) Internet Comment

Adult person John Smith could beat up a kid, okay? Don’t you forget it!  Continue Reading →
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20 NFL Things to be Happy About

1. Manning Face Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Here’s a Bear Dancing with a Golf Pin Flag

Bear > Tiger Continue Reading →
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Embattled Roger Goodell Issues Statement: “Hey, look over there!”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, facing pressure from numerous organizations and high-profile media members in the wake of his handling of the Ray Rice case, issued a statement this ... Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: This Baltimore Ravens Wedding Cake Topper Was Actually for Sale on Etsy

It’s no longer for sale as of Wednesday, September 10th. That’s probably a good idea. Continue Reading →
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The Crappiest Fantasy Team in America: Week 1

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VIDEO: Auditions for AHL Adirondack Flames Mascot Have Major League Awkwardness

Mascot costumes were invented so fans couldn’t see the person dancing around like an idiot turning red from embarrassment. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Dodgers Make All the Errors on One Play

Life will not be complete until Magic Johnson weighs in on this play: “We couldn’t throw or catch the ball which in baseball is called errors.” Continue Reading →
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Real Transcript of Ray Lewis Responding to Question About Whether He’s Similar to Ray Rice

Suzy Kolber: The Ravens, as an organization, have cut [Ray Rice]. They’ve cut ties. They stood behind you. People will try to draw this comparison. How do you see that? Continue Reading →
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Ravens Release Joe Flacco After Seeing Video of Him Playing Football

The Baltimore Ravens have released quarterback Joe Flacco after video was released showing Flacco playing quarterback.  Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Sweaty Buffoon Chris Berman Has His Domestic Violence Speech Interrupted by AND THE PUNT IS BLOCKED

Got it, Chris Berman. We should punt all women. Continue Reading →
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NFL Announces New “Domestic Violence Awareness” Jerseys with 8% of Profits Going to Charity

Due to increased pressure from fans and media over the Ray Rice case, commissioner Roger Goodell announced this morning in a hastily arranged press conference that the league will begin ... Continue Reading →