New York Giants vs. New England Patriots (-11.5) 

As always after the two weeks of Super Bowl hype, by the time Handicapper goes up there isn’t really much to add.

I will say this, though. Are the Giants playing quality football? Sure. Did the Patriots peak two, three, maybe four months ago? Yes. So is there a way the Giants could perhaps win this game? Yeah ... I guess. And, of course, it’s probably not at all a stretch to see them covering the spread.

But, here’s the thing ... to actually bet money on the Giants? Insanity. Here is an 18-0 team. One that has set a ton of offensive records this season. One that has a legitimate case as for being one of the greatest teams of all-time. Do you really want to wake up Monday morning and come to the realization that you put a paycheck on ELI MANNING in the SUPER BOWL against ONE OF THE GREATEST TEAMS EVER? I think not. Anyone who does that risks having their face change forever into a Manning Face.

So, anyway ... as I was saying ... there isn’t much I can add about either team at this point. The media blitz pulls out every last bit of information on every player, coach, and team staffer. What their favorite foods are, favorite bands, favorite farm animals to teeth-castrate, et cetera, et cetera.

In doing my own research, however, I did come across a few little-known facts about some of the players that you may not know. Here they are:

Chris Hanson, P, Patriots – Did you know that this Chris Hanson is staunchly pro-pedophile?

Junior Seau, LB, Patriots – Did you know that Junior Seau has suffered from alopecia of the sideburns his entire life?

Jim Finn, FB, Giants – Did you know that Jim Finn and his brother Huck are the sons of a vagrant drunkard?

Jeremy Shockey, TE, Giants – Did you know that Jeremy Shockey graduated with honors from Miami with a double major in ass communications and douchebaggery?

Jared Lorenzen, QB, Giants – Did you know that Jared Lorenzen wears all of Subway Jared’s old pants?

Elisha Manning, QB, Giants – Did you know that Elisha Manning is growing his hair out to lessen the pain of the frequent noogies he receives?

Madison Hedgecock, FB, Giants – Did you know that Hedgecock comes from a long line of men with thick, bushy pubic hair?

Rodney Harrison, S, Patriots – Did you know that Rodney Harrison was overcompensating for small testicles even before he started taking steroids? 

Randall Gay, CB, Patriots – Did you know that Randall Gay is co-authoring a book with John Amaechi?

Matt Gutierrez, QB, Patriots – Did you know that the Patriots signed Gutierrez as a rookie free agent because Tom Brady demanded the team get him a young, muscular, Latino pool boy?

Anyway, that’s all for Handicapper. For the week. And the year.

Tune in next season when I try to make it four years in a row below .500 against the spread. I say the chances of that happening are pretty good. (Sweet! That means I’m going to hit on about 85-percent next season! I rule!)

My pick: New England***

Last week vs. spread: 0-2

Last week just winners: 1-1

Season vs. spread: 118-135-13

Season just winners: 173-93

***Lukewarm Locks last week: 0-1
***Lukewarm Locks season: 8-16