The 2008 NCAA football season opens with a full slate of games this weekend and with it, all 127 of the Division I-A programs other than your favorite team embark on a pathetically easy cupcake schedule.

            “Georgia is ranked No. 1 to start the season, but look who they are opening with,” said Chad Gaynor, a fellow alum. “It’s a joke. Georgia Southern? Please. The supposed best team in the country shouldn’t be allowed to feast on cupcakes like that. And then they have a whole bunch of teams from the SEC – which is as overrated a conference as it gets.”

            No. 2 Ohio State doesn’t have it any tougher, says season ticket holder Jeff Miller.

            “Youngstown State? Ohio? Was the Ohio Girls School for the Blind not available or what?” he said. If they want to win that way, fine – but we would never dare have a schedule that disgraceful. And I won’t even bother mentioning how lame the Big Ten has become. It shouldn’t even be a BCS conference anymore. Even their supposed ‘rival’ Michigan will suck this year.”

And while No. 2 Ohio State plays No. 3 USC on September 13^th, neither team gets to pretend its schedule is anything but easy.

            “Ohio State-USC is a case of them protesting too much,” said longtime tailgating neighbor Jon Gonzalez. “They both know how lame their schedules are so they ran out and scheduled each other to try to cover it up. I mean, when the toughest game on your schedule is USC or Ohio State, you’re not even trying. And, sure – schedule it for September when you have plenty of time to overcome a loss by beating all the rest of the cupcakes on your schedule.”

            But at least one program has the guts to play a challenging schedule.

            “We may not win the national championship this year,” you say. “But that’s because we challenge ourselves each and every week. We have pride. We have honor. We open with two I-AA teams – and I don’t have to tell you how dangerous that is in light of Appalachian State last year, am I right? Then it’s a week off before we host a team from the ever-dangerous MAC. Then a service academy – on the road! And then our games in-conference – and anyone with a brain knows our conference is way tougher than it gets credit for.”