Hoping to capitalize on his record-setting eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympic Games, Michael Phelps cashed in today by swimming against a 10-foot, 120-pound sailfish for a cool five grand.

            “I have been to the Olympics before. I know how it works,” said Phelps. “I am a big star now. But that fame is fleeting. In a few months I will be forgotten again. And if a champion as great as Jesse Owens could race a horse, there is no shame in me racing the fastest fish of all, the majestic sailfish. I need to make a living.”

            The hastily organized pay-per-view race was held off the coast of Hong Kong this morning. Phelps at first took a lead against the sailfish, who didn’t seem to know it was to race when first dropped into the water from a boat, but eventually lost by some 180 meters in the 200-meter freestyle race.

“I didn’t swim my best race. I’m still tired from the Olympics and all the media attention that followed,” said Phelps. “But I don’t think I could have beaten that fish anyway. I’ve never seen anything swim that fast. I could probably take a flounder, though. Anyone want to put up a few thousand for me to do it?”

            The Olympic hero barely averted disaster approximately 10 meters into the race when he was speared by sailfish’s nose as it shot past him.

            “It just scraped up my side a little bit,” said Phelps. “I’m lucky it didn’t go in deep and pierce any of my internal organs. We Olympians don’t get health insurance. My whole $5,000 payday would have been spent on a trip to the hospital.”

            With some money now in his bank account, Phelps is hoping to take some time to weigh his options before making another cash grab.

            “I don’t want to tarnish my image with stunt races,” said Phelps. “I would also be open to something like being on a reality show. Or how about hosting a show called ‘America’s Got Swimmers?’ My co-host could be a taking, cartoon sailfish.”