On the doorstep of the Stanley Cup Finals while at the same time enjoying the fruits of puberty, Pittsburgh Penguins phenom Sidney Crosby is having the time of his life.

            “Last spring was terrible,” said Crosby. “We lost in the first round of the playoffs and all I had was a little bit of peach fuzz on my chin. But now we’re going for the Cup and, best of all, I have hair all over my face. Well, not all over my face. It’s not a lot. But it kind of looks like a real beard. You can definitely see it if you stand close to me or if you have a really big HD television. It’s pretty exciting.”

            Penguins head coach Michel Therrien said it is remarkable how Crosby has grown as a leader on a team full of men despite still battling the awkwardness of becoming a man himself.

            “This team respects him. And it’s because of the way he handles himself on and off the ice,” said Therrien. “Just think how much they’ll listen to him when his voice stops cracking every other word. Or when he realizes he needs to start wearing deodorant and showering every day.”

            Crosby acknowledges he still has some developing to do.

            “This is a weird time. I keep getting these totally random erections,” he said. “I’m not turned on at all, I’ll just be going about my business and – Boom! – erection. I hate when it happens on the ice. I just bend over a little bit and hold my stick over my crotch to cover it up until it goes away. I can’t wait for that to stop happening.”

            The hockey phenom says that if his team does win the Stanley Cup, he can’t wait to celebrate with his teammates.

            “Maybe I can get one of them to buy me some Mike’s Hard Lemonade or, like, some beer or something,” he said. “And I’ll probably smoke a whole lot of cigarettes to see what that’s like. One thing I do know, though, win or lose, I’m not shaving. What if it doesn’t come back for some reason? It took me two months to grow what I have.”