After months of speculation of what the playoffs would look like if they started today, NBA and NHL teams woke up this morning to find out that the playoffs are, in fact, starting today.

            “What? Really? Today today? Oh, man. I don’t know if we’re ready,” said Rockets guard Tracy McGrady. “I always thought the whole if-the-playoffs-started-today thing was more of an if thing, you know. Like a hypothetical. I didn’t know they could actually start any day. I always thought there was some sort of set schedule.”

            Penguins center Sidney Crosby says he wishes someone had given him a heads up that the playoffs were starting today.

            “I’ve been nursing my ankle to get healthy for the playoffs,” said Crosby. “Now I’m going to spend the whole first round getting back in the flow of things. It’s just like the NHL to do something stupid like this.”

            NHL commissioner Gary Bettman says his league decided to start the playoffs today due to some scheduling concerns.

            “We’re a bit understaffed here at the NHL, and it unfortunately affected us as far as scheduling,” said Bettman. “Turns out several of our arenas already had circuses, concerts, tractor pulls and the like scheduled for the playoffs. So we have to start them today, and then we’ll work around the other events where we can.”

            Whereas NBA commissioner David Stern says his league is starting the playoffs today in order to extend the postseason a few weeks longer.

            “I’ve never felt that the NBA playoffs are long enough,” said Stern. “They are our marquee event. They should last at least three full months, if not longer. Also, by starting the playoffs today, I’m able to circumvent the rules to keep the seedings as they are now. And I’m always up for a good rigging.”