The New England Patriots have long sought motivation from outside sources. Specifically, anyone who would dare doubt their superiority on the football field. And this year, despite standing 12-0 and rolling through most of their opponents, is no different.

            “Oh, man. Rob Jenkins of Topeka, Kansas,” said safety Rodney Harrison. “F—k that guy. You hear me? F—k Rob Jenkins of Topeka, Kansas. If he doesn’t think we’re going to win the Super Bowl, well that a—hole is in for a terrible surprise.”

            Desperate to find someone who doubts them, the Patriots were on able to uncover one person in the entire country: Rob Jenkins, a seventh grade earth science teacher in suburban Topeka, Kansas.

            “I’ve had my assistants researching this for months,” said Patriots head coach Bill Belichick. “All they could find was a slightly negative message board post on us that Jenkins left on his fantasy football league site back in October. All 300 million other Americans see us as a prohibitive Super Bowl favorite.”

            Jenkins says he doesn’t even feel the Patriots will fail to win the Super Bowl – in fact, he thinks they probably will, and handily – he just believes the talk of them being unbeatable and the greatest team ever is a bit premature.

            “Look, they’re a great team, no doubt,” said Jenkins. “But I don’t think they’re built for cold weather, postseason football. Their running game is suspect and it’s hard to throw the ball in January. And they’re defense can wear down at the end of the game. It has some age. Other than that, though, they have no weaknesses.”

            “Rob Jenkins can take his calm reasoning and logic an shove it right up his anus,” said Tom Brady. “Every day when I wake up in the morning and when I come to practice or watch film, I do it to shut up that Rob Jenkins of Topeka, Kansas, and his big mouth. That guy is going to be so sorry he doubted us.”