Tiger Woods capped off his dominant victory in last weekend’s Buick Open with a powerful fist-pump on the 18^th green – a sign he is fully aware he must savor each and every victory because with the greatest golfer ever, Michelle Wie, on his heels, Woods winning a tournament will soon be a rare occurrence.

            “Sunday was a big victory for me,” said Woods. “It got me to a milestone, 50 PGA wins, and that’s important to me since I have a feeling I’m not going to reach anymore milestones in my career. For I, like all other golfers, am at the mercy of Michelle Wie. Throughout the rest of my career I’ll just be playing for second.”

            Wie, the nearly 17-year-old super-phenom, is – by almost all accounts – destined to be the greatest golfer and most dominant athlete ever.

            “The run at the top for Tiger Woods is all but over,” says golf analyst Johnny Miller. “Everywhere I turn it’s Michelle Wie. Billboards, TV commercials, print ads – and ESPN talks about her non-stop. So she must be really awesome, because if all that’s not the mark of a great one, then I don’t know what is.”

            Woods says the tears he shed after winning the British Open last month was not so much because of the emotion of winning without his recently-deceased father – as most assumed – but because he figured the win would be his last-ever major title due to Wie’s impending dominance.

            “I’ve worked so hard since I was a little kid to be a great golfer, and I realized at the end of the British Open that my time at the top is pretty much over,” he said. “The emotions just spilled out. And then I was so ashamed because I thought that Michelle Wie would perceive my crying as a weakness and use it to destroy me even more. So that started the sobbing. I just pray she shows mercy on me. And I want her to know that I’ll see it as an honor to play with her and be beaten by her. Who knows, maybe I can even learn by watching her play and it will allow me to lose by a little less. But I hope she doesn’t take that as disrespect. I mean, I’m still competitive. It’s just that I’m resigned to what’s inevitable. I see the writing on the wall.”

            But Wie’s preeminence has not just had an effect on Woods. Phil Mickelson has heard Wie’s footsteps, too.

            “People still ask me what happened on the 72^nd hole at the U.S. Open, and I’ll tell you the truth: it was Michelle Wie. She was in my head,” says Mickelson. “Everything was going well and then I realized this was probably my last chance to win a major since Michelle will be winning them all soon. And I choked and pushed my drive way left. Then I was in deep rough with a tree in front of me. I should have punched out on to the fairway, but I thought, WWMD – ‘What Would Michelle Do’ – like I always do when I’m in a tough spot and decided to go for the green and hit it over the tree. But the thing is, I forgot to remember that I’m not as great as Michelle and therefore can’t pull off a shot like that. So I muffed it, and before I knew it I had lost the Open.”

            Wie, coming off a 26^th place finish – 13 strokes behind the winner – at the women’s British Open, says she will begin her assault on the men’s tour and begin accumulating majors there as soon as she is granted an exemption into every men’s major.

            “Women’s golf is so easy for me, I can’t keep my concentration,” says Wie. “Like, their courses are so short and their greens are so flat I get bored. It’s a waste of my time to put in the effort to win. I’m just going to wait to win until I’m given an exemption into The Masters and the U.S. Open and all the other majors. Then I’ll really try. And I think I deserve an exemption because I’m so awesome. I mean, all of my handlers say it’s true, so it must be. Plus, I have a big Nike contract and everything.”