Despite being just 27-years-old and coming off one of the best seasons of his career last year with the Indianapolis Colts, new Arizona Cardinals running back Edgerrin James can’t quite seem to shake the feeling that his career is about to take a precipitous downturn.

            “I’m really excited to be in Arizona and I think we have a chance to be a very good team, but there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head that says I made a terrible error in deciding to come here,” said James. “Every time I put on a piece of Cardinals gear a shudder goes through my whole body and I break out into a cold sweat. I can’t explain it.”

            James says he started to worry about his future the moment he ended his free agency by signing a Cardinals contract.

            “Right when I finished writing out my name I was overcome with dread. Just an inexplicable fear right down to my bones,” he said. “My life flashed before my eyes. I started shaking uncontrollably. And then I threw up all over the table. It was like something out of a horror movie.”

            His first appearance at a Cardinals mini-camp in the spring only made his trepidation grow.

            “I felt a good step or two slower than I ever have before,” said James. “I couldn’t get to the hole before it closed. I was fumbling all over the place. Dropping passes. Getting knocked right on my back when I was trying to block. I’m just so slow and weak now. And I can’t remember any of the plays. It’s horrible.”

            James says he contacted former Cowboys and Cardinals running back Emmitt Smith to see if he ever experienced similar things when he switched teams.

            “I had to lay it out straight to Edge,” said Smith. “He’s done with. Over. I know he thinks he should still have four or five more good years in him, but it’s just not going to happen like that. When I left Dallas for the Cardinals I thought I could produce for at least another year or two. I felt great. But as soon as I stepped on team property I instantly felt washed-up. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t true, that becoming a Cardinal hadn’t really damned me to eternal suckitude, but I was powerless against it. Unfortunately, I think we’ve all seen the last of the Edgerrin James we once knew.”