Face-to-face negotiations between the Tennessee Titans and their top draft pick, Vince Young, ended as soon as they began to day with Young excitedly accepting the team’s offer to pay him with shiny, sparkly things for the next four years with a team option for a fifth year.

“I like shiny things,” said Young. “They’re neat.”

Young’s agent, Major Adams, advised his client against accepting the deal, but was unable to convince the quarterback to hold out for real money over shiny and sparkly things.

“As much fun as they may be for him to look at and play with, a man can’t feed his family with sparkly things,” said Adams. “What I’m most disappointed in is that the Titans would stoop so low as to take advantage of Vince’s low intelligence.”

But Titans officials say they by no means tried to rip-off their franchise quarterback – a player who reportedly scored a six out of 50 on the Wonderlic intelligence test at the NFL draft combine in the spring.

“We’re simply giving Vince what he wants,” says general manager Floyd Reese. “Sure, paying him in shiny, sparkly things will save us millions of dollars, but all we want is for Vince to be happy here. And shiny things make morons like him very happy. If that keeps some money in our pockets, too, so be it.”

Adams says he will push the team to give Young shiny things of value – such as diamonds and gold pieces – instead of cheap items like brightly-colored wrapping paper and aluminum foil. But Reese stresses that the contract’s language entitles the team to give Young whatever shiny things they wish.

“If he performs well, sure, we might throw in some brand new dimes or something, but in all honesty I’m sure most of what he’ll get will be along the lines of Fourth of July sparklers and silver confetti,” said Reese.

And based on Young’s comments, that will be more than enough to keep a smile on his face.

“Sparklers are fun!” he said. “I light them and they go crackle-crackle and get real shiny. But sometimes they burn my mouth when I try to eat them. That makes me sad.”