With the Atlanta Braves mired in last place in the National League East as the second half of the season begins and their amazing streak of 14 consecutive division titles all but over, manager Bobby Cox made the bold proclamation today that he will finally give into death – something that has long seemed just moments away for him – if it will help the Braves over the long run.

            “John Smoltz has come forward and said he will accept a trade if it will help the team, and I need to set the same type of example,” said Cox. “So, honestly, if management decides it’s better that I just not wake up one morning so the team can go in a different direction, I’m more than willing to accept that. It takes me almost every ounce of energy I can muster as it is now to keep this corpse of mine going. I’d welcome the break.”

            With the Braves failing to execute on the field as they normally do, whispers have begun to grow that the team has finally tuned out its longtime manager.

            “That happens with anyone – players need to hear a new voice after a while,” said general manager John Schuerholz. “We’re just not seeing the effort on the field that we usually do. And far be it from me to ask Bobby to finally die, but that’s probably what we need. What is the guy – 93, 94? However old he is, he looks like death warmed over. We need some new blood in here, but I can’t very well fire the guy. He’s a legend in this organization. Our only option is that the ole Grim Reaper do us a favor and finally off the guy. How he hasn’t died already is beyond me.”

            Schuerholz says he and other front office employees are in a death pool on when Cox will finally enter into that good night.

            “I’ve already lost,” said the general manager. “I had 1999. The only person still in it is our promotions director. She picked 2007, but it was intended to be a joke. No one actually thought he had even the slightest chance of making it that long.”

            Smoltz said the Braves 14 years of outstanding play was due mainly out of the motivation to win a World Series for their manager before he died.

            “Bobby is a longtime baseball man, but only has one World Series title to his name,” said the pitcher. “So every year before the season we’d have a players’ meeting and dedicate the season to Bobby and his memory, assuming he’d die before the end of the season. And we’d try really hard during each game of the season because we didn’t want his last game as a manger to be a loss. But somehow he keeps on going, and after a while the novelty of winning for your dead manager wears off. That is what has happened this year, I think. That and he’s still not dead.”

            Schuerholz said the team is completely prepared to move on without Cox, whenever he decides to pack it in.

            “We have the jerseys with the black arms bands, a commemorative game program, the obituary all written up and ready to go – we’re set,” he said. “We’ve had it all waiting in a closet since 1994.”