Cleveland Indians second-year outfielder Grady Sizemore is young, talented, handsome, friendly and single. It’s those characteristics that have made him the object of desire of thousands of women in the city of Cleveland. But while Sizemore’s situation may sound like a dream for most men, he’s slowly discovering it’s not as great as it might sound.

            “Maybe if I played in Los Angeles or San Diego. Or Atlanta or Miami. Or, well … a lot of cities that aren’t Cleveland, it would be better,” said Sizemore. “And while it’s very flattering that these Cleveland women want me so much, they’re just not really my taste. You know, ‘cause they’re pretty ugly. And a bit on the chunky side.”

            Sizemore says he means no insult by speaking frankly about Cleveland women, but felt he needed to clear the air on the matter.

            “You just don’t know where this type of stuff could lead,” he said. “I’ve been turning down so many of these chunkers lately that I’m worried there’s going to be some rumor pop up that I’m gay. And trust me, I’m not gay. I’m 100-percent straight. I sleep with hot women in pretty much every road city. It’s just that I can’t be with these Cleveland women. I’ve tried, trust me. But it’s pretty nasty.”

            Sizemore is so popular among Cleveland’s female population that a fan group called Grady’s Ladies has sprung up, and the 23-year-old outfielder says it’s a rare day that he doesn’t find undergarments and sexually-explicit notes among his fan mail.

            “I get letters that girls say they’ve sprayed with their perfume, but most of those smell like hoagies,” said Sizemore. “Then there are the ones who send their underwear. Those usually come in large manila envelopes because the No. 10 ones won’t fit them. I mean, you should see these things. I actually use this one chick’s underwear as a laundry bag. They’re freaking enormous. And the notes … oh, boy, the notes. Most of them include fantasies about doing it in a Camaro and include food. And I’m not talking fruit or whipped cream. It’s usually McDonald’s or Blimpie subs.”

            Sizemore insists that it is not his intention to besmirch Cleveland’s entire female population.

            “There are some attractive ones, no doubt. Even a few hot ones,” he says. “But it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. If the hay was really, really thick. And when I find them, I’m quite grateful. And even the fat ones are really friendly, and they’re quite willing to please in bed – both because I’m a major leaguer and, you know, most big girls are. But I have to consider my mental state and my health. Not only do some of these girls give me nightmares, but sometimes I fear one is going to crush my pelvis. That would be a career ending injury.”