Hoping to give their bland, cookie cutter ballpark a bit of flare before the playoffs begin, the Houston Astros installed a 40-by-190-foot pond in the outfield of Minute Maid Park on Monday.

            “Sure, our left field fence is only Little League distance from home plate. And sure, we have a pointless, manmade hill with a flagpole stuck in it in centerfield. And sure, we have a giant choo-choo train drives around the perimeter of the field, but the novelty of that stuff has worn off since we opened the stadium six years ago,” said Houston general manager Tim Purpura. “It was time to change things up a little bit again.”

            The giant pond, which is also 40-feet deep and contains eight adult alligators, sits in right-centerfield and will present an interesting challenge to pitchers and outfielders during the Astros-Braves National League divisional series that begins this afternoon.

            “A stadium’s unique character adds to the fans’ enjoyment of the game,” said Purpura. “That all we’ve ever tried to do with our ballpark – make the game more exciting.”

            The ground rules established by the Astros for the new pond makes any ball that finds its way into the water an automatic ground rule double. However, if a fielder dares go in search of the ball – while risking almost certain death due to the alligators – and re-emerges with it in hand, the entire side is retired.

            “That life or death decision the outfielders will have to make every time the ball plunges into the water is going to make for some great baseball,” said Tom Williams, Houston’s grounds crew manager. “’Let the ball go and stay alive or help my team and risk almost certain death?’ That’s what baseball is all about.”

            The Astros pay little mind to detractors who say Minute Maid Park is a joke.

            “The so-called baseball purists have called our stadium a travesty ever since it’s opened, but we think they need to get with the times,” said Purpura. “Major league baseball is an entertainment industry first and foremost, and what could be more entertaining than an alligator-filled pond in the outfield? The dignity of the game be damned.”

            Purpura said the team’s plan to install a giant Ferris wheel behind the pitcher’s mound was scrapped due to construction delays.

            “We’ll have it installed in time for next season though, don’t worry about that,” he said. “And we’re also developing a series of trap doors that will randomly swallow base runners that we’re pretty excited about.”