As the Chicago Cubs play out the rest of their schedule well out of playoff contention and below .500, team management has begun meeting to discuss how they can go about firing manager Dusty Baker after the season without making it blatantly obvious that the move will be for racist reasons.

            “Many people have stated that we have legitimate reasons for firing Dusty, from how our record has plummeted two seasons in a row to how he has mismanaged our pitching staff,” said general manger Jim Hendry. “But that stuff is all bunk. Everyone knows that you don’t fire a black coach in sports for any other reason than pure, unadulterated racism. All you can do is try to cover it up as much as possible so you’re not completely exposed as a racist.”

            Hendry said the team’s braintrust hasn’t decided yet whether they will fire Baker after the season or not.

            “It’s a risk-reward kind of thing,” said Hendry. “If we fire him we get to act on our deep-seeded racist instincts, which would be a lot of fun. But for me, at least, in the excitement of firing a black guy I’d probably struggle to hide my giddiness and the media would be on to all of us.”

            Hendry said that in all likelihood the Cubs will bring Baker back for another year and let him manage out the remainder of his contract, thereby lessening the fallback that would come from firing him.

            But allowing Baker to return is a decision that will disappoint many fans who have watched Baker bungle his way through two consecutive seasons as the Cubs have underachieved with a talent-packed roster.

            “Well, I can’t help that the fans are racists, too,” said Hendry. “I can only try to control my own racism.”