Disgraced Orioles first baseman Rafael Palmeiro spoke publicly today for the first time since his 10-day steroids suspension, offering further apologies and expressing his desire to work with Congress and its Zero Tolerance program to urge children to use clean needles when taking illegal anabolic steroids.

            “I vow to be a role model and an example to kids from this day forward,” Palmeiro said. “Had I used dirty needles over the years I may have gotten sick and never achieved the fame, power and riches that I have today. So kids across America and the world, listen up. Rafael Palmeiro says to use clean needles when taking steroids. It’s the only way.”

            While Palmeiro seemed confident that his pledge would take some of the heat off him, most saw it as further proof that the embattled slugger continues to be unwilling to face the music while maintaining an almost unbelievable ignorance of the seriousness of the steroids problem.

            “While I suppose he is admitting for the first time to a degree that he knowingly took steroids, which is a positive step, the fact that he is promoting their use to children is despicable,” said Rep. Henry Waxman of Los Angeles, the ranking Democrat on the Government Reform Committee that has investigated steroids in sports. “If he thinks his past actions are going to be excused just because he now wants to promote the use of clean needles, he is insane. And I can promise that the Zero Tolerance program has no use for such a message.”

            But Palmeiro is adamant of the value of his message.

            “I want to set the record straight and help children while I’ll still have a platform as a major league player,” he said. “I want kids to realize what they can accomplish by using clean needles. Everything in my life I owe to my 15 years of accidentally taking steroids. Without my systematic but accidental steroids ingestion while purposely using clean needles, I would have washed out of the game long ago.”

            Palmeiro says he will use his upcoming 30-day suspension, which will be levied in the coming days per baseball’s steroids policy for a second offense, to tour the country spreading his message to schoolchildren.

            “A new school year will soon be upon us and what would be better for kids to hear than how they can improve their lives and open up a world of possibilities through safely using steroids,” he said. “I will even accidentally inject the children with steroids from my own non-existent stash.”