Philadelphia Eagles representatives admitted today that they hope 395-pound defensive tackle Willis Duncan will die of heatstroke during training camp in order to open up a roster spot for a player who could potentially address the team’s shortcomings at other positions.

            The veteran backup lineman has been with the Eagles since coming into the league in 1997, and is perhaps the most active Eagle in the Philadelphia community. Yet the team has seen Duncan’s weight balloon more than 50 pounds over the past three years and doesn’t want to cut him and get stuck with a chunk of his salary.

            “Cutting him would be a hit to us in the public relations area and in the pocket book. The fact is, he’s still a serviceable backup, we just don’t need a lot of help on the line,” said head coach Andy Reid. “I suppose the best option might be for him to die of heatstroke during camp. Then we could bring in another cornerback or receiver, which would give us some much-needed depth at those positions.”

            “Willis has passed the point of being overweight to being disgustingly obese,” said team physician Dr. Nelson Andrews. “While he could easily play a few down during a game in late November, a man of that size won’t do very well in the intensity of two-a-days in summer heat. There’s a very real chance he’ll drop over dead at some point.”

            The Eagles have gone as far as having Andrews develop percentages on the likelihood of Duncan’s death and when it will occur during camp. “I think it’s above 50 percent that he’ll go down within the first two weeks,” said Dr. Andrews. “The biggest factor though is the weather. It’s been an unusually cool summer in the Northeast and if stays like that the chances drop pretty significantly. What we’re hoping for is three or four really humid days in a row with temperature in the mid to high 90s. That should get us the result we want.”

            The team has put its scouting department on watch, as well. “We need to know what free agents are still available and what teams cut which players and when so we can act right away when Duncan goes down,” said Reid. “I don’t want to blow this opportunity.”

            Eagles officials say they secretly hope Duncan will choose to retire, but doubt that will happen. “He’s still pretty young and probably thinks he has something left in the tank,” said a member of the coaching staff who wished to remain unnamed. “I don’t think he wants to retire and admit his weight has gotten out of control – he’s a proud player. I think he’d rather die from heatstroke like a man, and that’s to be respected.”