Broadcaster Ahmad Rashad was surgically extracted from deep inside Michael Jordan’s rectum on Monday, just days after Jordan said there is zero chance he will return to the NBA. Rashad had lodged himself inside Jordan’s butt early in the basketball legend’s career, providing intimate – and overwhelmingly positive – coverage of the former Bull and Wizard.

“With MJ guaranteeing he won’t be back on the court I thought it was time to make my way out of there,” said Rashad. “I thoroughly enjoyed my time up inside him and should Michael ever decide to make another comeback, I would be more than willing to reinsert myself and pad his legend further.”

Rashad had considered removing himself several times in the past year and got closest to having the extraction procedure before last season when NBC lost its contract with the NBA.

“I asked Michael if I still served a role for him in there when ABC got the broadcast rights last year and he just looked down and told me to sit tight, that I’d still be useful,” said Rashad. “And I was – on my show ‘Inside Stuff.’”

“Ahmad has always served as an ideal mouthpiece for me and I will miss the great times we had with him embedded deep inside my butt,” said Jordan. “I can’t tell you how great it was to walk off the court at the end of a game and have my good friend Ahmad pop his head out with a microphone to ask me questions like: ‘Michael, tell us how you were able to be so great today?’ or ‘Do you ever have time to fully realize your greatness?’ They were always tough, yet insightful questions.”

Rashad said he is most proud of his work during the 1993 season when he was able to make his way all the way into his good friend’s upper intestine by failing to ask Jordan any questions about his mounting gambling losses.