February 9th 2010

Breaking down the Super Bowl viewing audience

More than 106 million people watched the Saints and Colts play in Super Bowl XLIV -- the largest audience for a TV program in U.S. history.

Who were the people who did -- and did not -- watch the game? Here's what Nielsen tells us.

WHO WATCHED

Colts backers (residents of the City of Indianapolis, including some people in surrounding Marion County)

Saints backers (residents of Earth not living in Indianapolis proper)

the few remaining living fans of The Who

former FEMA chief Michael Brown (but not until late in the game)

families of players

secret families of players

the understandably proud parents of those talking E-Trade babies

people with a mole fetish

Brett Favre (BWAAAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!)

those legitimately trying to find out who dat

non-sports fans who couldn't find the remote

WHO DIDN'T WATCH

Cooper Manning (couldn't get out of shift at Red Lobster)

Eli Manning (couldn't find his way out of ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese)

dumber Saints fans who have yet to find their way out of their paper bags

THE GODDAMN REFS HOW THE F--K IS THAT NOT A HOLDING PENALTY?!?!?!

Drew Brees' son (napping)

The Who (napping)

those furiously masturbating to a tape of the Lingerie Bowl

those furiously masturbating to the Puppy Bowl

Michael Vick

remaining living Who fans whose outdated TVs never underwent the digital conversion