#11 New York Islanders Fisherman Jerseys
Still, that doesn't explain why the team thought replacing its classic logo with a hockey-stick-wielding fisherman was a good idea before the 1995-96 season. The resulting sweaters were abominations of orange, white, navy, and you guessed it teal (the OFFICIAL embarrassing jersey color of the 1990s!).
The only thing that kept the Islanders wearing these threads for two seasons were league rules that forbid them from changing them too quickly. Players actually hoped to have their sweaters pulled over their heads in fights just so no one would see the Fisherman.
#12 Seattle Seahawks Fluorescent Green Jerseys
Sure, the bright colors may help aging quarterback Matt Hasselbeck spot his receivers downfield, but don't they realize the jerseys are forcing people to make fun of the franchise? (More than normal, anyway.) Even Pete Carroll probably can't fake enthusiasm for these things.
The real shame here is that the team cut LenDale White before the season began; he would have looked like the Kool-Aid Man loaded up with a gallon of lime when he slipped into this jersey.
#13 Denver Broncos Throwback Uniforms
Isn't there anyone in Denver who realizes some things die off for good reasons? If we're resurrecting terrible ideas from history, why stop with just these threads? Let's revive the Inquisition, the bubonic plague, Crystal Pepsi, Brian Griese.
Just imagine how red-orange Mike Shanahan's face would be if he had to deal with the embarrassment of these jerseys on his watch.
#14 1932 Chicago Bears Uniforms
Do they even provide muscle compression or wick moisture? Oh, don't look at us like that. Wick MOISTURE.
You speaky da English?!
Now wonder you chumps only went 7-1-6 that season. Six ties? They say ties are like kissing your sister, but even she probably isn't desperate enough to put out when you're dressed like that, lame-o's.
#15 Your Little League Uniform
When you pulled on that uniform you weren't just a disappointment to your team, your family, and yourself, you were also doing a huge discredit to the local florist who shelled out the $25 sponsorship fee to get his business' name on the jersey.
Dooley's House of Fine Flowers didn't go out of business because it was poorly run; poor Mr. Dooley went bankrupt and shot himself because you let flyball after flyball drop in the outfield, severely damaging the brand equity he had spent a lifetime building.
Looking good, champ.
- - -
Get more of Ethan Trex at Straight Cash Homey and on Twitter at @ethantrex.