ALSO THIS WEEK...

The Yankees submitted a new offer to the Diamondbacks today in hopes of acquiring ace Randy Johnson, asking if they can just borrow him every week or so.
“Brian Cashman called and inquired about them flying Randy to New York one day a week so they can use him,” said Diamondbacks general manger Joe Garagiola, Jr. “They said we could have him the other six days of the week, and that they’d even offer to pay his entire salary.”
Garagiola, Jr. said he is seriously considering the offer, but isn’t sure if the commissioner’s office would okay the deal. “As far as I know such an arrangement has never been proposed though, so maybe we could work it through a loophole,” he said. “But I kind of like the idea – we get 15 or 16 starts out of Randy for free, and they get the ace they want. I think it’s a win-win for both teams. Brian even said they’d credit the frequent flier miles they’d rack up on Randy to the Diamondbacks, which I think is extremely generous.”

Just three days after his untimely passing, NFL great Reggie White was remembered as an influential and irreplaceable black leader by Green Bay’s other black guy, Dwight Freeman of 317 E. Maple Avenue.
“I remember when Reggie signed with the Packers and he talked about how he was going to work with Green Bay’s minority community and I thought: ‘Great! That means me,’ since I was the only black guy in town at the time. Actually, I still am today.”
Freeman said White made an immediate impact on the city’s black neighborhood: his house. “He helped me install some new down spouts on my garage, which was nice,” said Freeman. “He was really active in the black community here in Green Bay. And we, I mean I, will never forget him.”

At the same time he is facing intensified scrutiny from Philadelphia fans in light of Terrell Owens’ injury, Eagles receiver Todd Pinkston continues to set high benchmarks as the first woman to ever play in the NFL.
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Jets quarterback Chad Pennington laid into the New York media for the second time in as many weeks yesterday, chastising them for not accurately describing how bad he sucked in New York’s 23-7 loss to the Patriots on Sunday.
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St. Louis Rams coach Mike Martz continued his erratic behavior today, vowing he will wear a tinfoil hat during this Sunday’s game versus the Jets.
“I think the Jets will have a spy plane fly high over the stadium and read my thoughts with invisible laser beams,” said Martz. “But my tinfoil hat will deflect the beams and allow my cranial database to remain uncompromised.”
Martz said he created the hat out of a roll of tinfoil that was manufactured before the Cold War began. “All tinfoil and aluminum foil made after then has little microchips implanted in it to allow the communists to read your thoughts,” said Martz. “But I only use pre-Cold War tinfoil in my hats.”
“I think Mike has pretty much lost his mind,” said running back Marshall Faulk. “I honestly hope we miss the playoffs so he can go get some psychiatric help.”
“They’re all out to get me – the media, Chris Mortensen, Kyle Turley. They want to shut me up before I tell the world what I know,” said Martz. “But I won’t let them. I will be victorious””

I can just see it. Five years from now, with Eli’s bust status secured and NFL career long since over, Peyton Manning will re-shoot his MasterCard commercial, and we’ll see him visiting the deli where his brother works, taunting him with the chant: “Cut that meat! Cut that meat!”

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