ALSO THIS WEEK...

The San Francisco Giants cancelled a planned promotion today in light of the steroids scandal surrounding star slugger Barry Bonds. The team had scheduled a “Barry Bonds Steroids Giveaway Night” for an April 14^th game against the Milwaukee Brewers, but now may push the promotion back later into the season or cancel it completely.
“We had scheduled the giveaway to have some fun with all of the BALCO stuff and let our fans get their hands on the best anabolic steroids on the market,” said Lonnie Winters, San Francisco’s director of public relations. “But it appears now that a lot of people are taking this steroids thing pretty seriously, so we’re going to put the promotion on the shelf until it all blows over.”
The Giants hoped the giveaway would sell out a potentially poor-drawing Wednesday night tilt against the lowly Brewers, with the first 15,000 fans at the stadium getting a month’s supply of THG, but now are forced to come up with an alternative.
“Right now we’re discussing two options,” said Winters. “One is a Victor Conte bobble-head night, the other is Barry Bonds Tape Measure night, where each fan would get a 36-inch tape measure – to match the circumference of Bonds’s enormous, ever-expanding head – complimentary with their ticket.
Bonds refused to comment on the cancelled promotion.

Jayson Mitchell of Boston just realized he is about two commercial breaks into his third consecutive viewing of ‘SportsCenter.’
“I am sitting on the couch, and all of a sudden it hits me that I’ve already seen these same Spurs-Grizzlies highlights twice already – yet I couldn’t even remember who had won the game,” said Mitchell. “I wasted more than two hours of my morning watching the same thing over and over. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic.”
Mitchell, a grad student at Northeastern University, said today is not the first time he has watched ‘SportsCenter’ repeatedly without realizing it. “I do it all of the time,” he said. “I’ll turn the TV on with the intention of just catching a few scores and then I’ll realize after two or three hours that I’m still sitting there and that half the day is gone.”
According to ESPN, Mitchell and those like him make up a major portion of ‘SportsCenter’s viewership. “About 60 percent of our audience after the 8:00 a.m. show is the same people mindlessly watching it over and over,” said Monte Leftwich, executive producer of the show. “However, that’s not a fact we like to trumpet too much since our advertisers don’t necessarily want to be paying to get in front of the same group of morons all the time.”

Some relatives of those lost on 9/11 have expressed outrage after a player for Texas State shot 9-for-11 from the free throw line in a win against Chattanooga on Saturday.
“I am shocked and angered that someone would have the audacity to shoot 9 of 11,” said Mike Robinson, who lost his son in the terrorist attacks in 2001. “He very easily could have shot 8 of 11 or 10-for-11, but he chose to go 9-for-11 for his own personal gain. It truly makes me sick and tarnishes the memory of those who were lost that horrible day.” [FULL STORY]

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ESPN will release an unedited director’s cut of its five-part report on sex and sports that aired last week on ‘SportsCenter.’ The 90-minute DVD will have never-before-seen clips of naked athletes, sexual encounters between players and fans, and footage from hidden locker room cameras.
[FULL STORY]

Dick Vitale and Mike Krzyzewski were spotted cuddling and taking long drags from the same cigarette minutes after Vitale interviewed the Duke coach following the Blue Devils’ 70-65 win over North Carolina on Saturday.
“It must have been quite an interview,” said Andre Castillo, a Duke student who saw the pair together in a hallway outside Duke’s locker room. “Those two really have some great chemistry together. “
Neither Vitale nor Krzyzewski would comment on the report, but the eccentric color commentator, long suspected to be a Duke partisan, did not issue an outright denial.

“Coach K is awesome, baby! Interviewing him is downright orgasmic, baby!” said Vitale. “You can’t beat being at Cameron Indoor Stadium and talking to the greatest coach in the whole nation, America! There’s nothing better than Duke basketball! Sex is a distant second or third. Probably third, with diaper dandies like Duke’s sensational freshman Luol Deng second, baby! And of course, Coach Krzyzewski and Duke basketball is number one – they’re awesome! Dickie V is getting aroused again, baby! Call Mike Ditka and get me some Levitra. Dickie V wants to interview Coach K again, baby!

The Blazers Damon Stoudamire took a drug test for a reporter on Friday, peeing into a cup while the guy watched. Not that I’m a journalist, but for the record, I’m not interested in watching anyone pee into a cup. Thanks.

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