Uncle Nate Accidentally Backs Over Brian Hoyer in Browns Parking Lot

fitchVeteran Brian Hoyer and first round draft pick Johnny Manziel were reportedly in a close battle for the starting job at Browns training camp, but the position has essentially now been won by Manziel following a gruesome accident in the team’s parking lot this afternoon. 

Hoyer, who had just wrapped up an outstanding practice in which he repeatedly connected on scores with receivers, was walking through the player parking lot in Berea, Ohio, when he was repeatedly backed over by a Chevrolet Suburban driven by Manziel associate “Uncle” Nate Fitch.

“Oh, man. What happened? What happened in this completely accidental accident?” Fitch said, after climbing out of his SUV to find Hoyer’s right leg wrapped around his back axel, while the back-left tire of the Suburban was on top of the quarterback’s throwing arm.

Hoyer did not respond specifically to Fitch’s question, but instead continued screaming in pain.

“Someone help this man I backed over by complete accident, who happens to be wearing a Brian Hoyer jersey and bears some resemblance to Brian Hoyer — or would if his body was not mangled,” said Fitch, slightly raising his voice, but not loud enough for really anyone to hear. It was only Hoyer’s screams that brought help.

“What have you done!” cried out one team employee, running to the scene. “Get the car off of him!”

“Oh, yeah. No problem, bro,” Fitch said, climbing back into the Suburban, and peeling out off of Hoyer’s body, sending chunks of flesh spraying behind the vehicle. Manziel then hopped in the passenger seat, gave his friend a fist bump and the pair drove off.

Hoyer is expected to be out for the season and may never walk again, but the scrappy QB hopes to return soon.

“I can make plays from a wheelchair if I have to,” he said from his hospital bed. “I don’t have to be flashy.”

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