Today’s Reader Hot Takes


On Donald Sterling suing the NBA, Adam Silver and his wife …


“You sue the ones you love.” – Toni T.

“While he’s suing everyone, just for fun he should also sue that fat Yankees fan who fell asleep, MLB and ESPN.” – Adrian N.

“He didn’t sue any space aliens or imaginary people? Maybe he hasn’t lost his mind.” – Freddy M.

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On Tony Dungy saying he wouldn’t have drafted Michael Sam …


“Ugh. I’m so sick of this overrated freak getting publicity. Tony Dungy, I mean.” – Sandy Y.

“Well, considering the last four drafts Tony Dungy consulted on with the Colts they used their top picks on Mike Pollak, Anthony Gonzalez, Joseph Addai and Marlin Jackson, it’s probably best for everyone if Dungy stays far away from draft decisions.” – Todd G.

“Seems like Dungy has some bigotry issues towards special team players who are also situational defensive linemen.” – Vance L.

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On Rory McIlroy winning the British Open …


“Considering he held off Sergio Garcia to win, you have to start thinking that McIlroy might be the future superstar of golf and not Sergio.” – Ko L.

“McIlroy getting better at golf means dumping his fiancee over the phone was the right thing to do.” – Ian L.

“This is McIlroy’s first major victory since being knocked out of the 2013 Honda Classic with tooth pain. What a comeback. What a story.” – Karen T.

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On Tiger Woods being in contention at the British Open …


“It’s great for golf to have Tiger Woods back to almost winning.” – Seymour L.

“I’m sick of all the attention on Tiger Woods. What about all the players I don’t care about?” – Miranda N.

“Fuck you, Jack Nicklaus.” – Felipe W.

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On the start of the British Open …


“It’s exciting that Tiger is back to being healthy enough to stay in contention for a while before letting everyone down.” – Granger F.

“I stopped cutting the grass in my yard and tried to call it ‘fescue,’ but I still got cited by my homeowner’s association.” – Rosita H.

“It’s too bad that the players aren’t allowed to bet on the tournament anymore. Most of Sergio Garcia’s annual income came from betting on himself to lose.” – Lulu W.

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On the American League winning the All-Star Game …


“One day I’ll tell my grandkids how I saw the A.L. clinch homefield in the World Series when Glen Perkins put down Miguel Montero, Josh Harrison and Charlie Blackmon in order in the 9th.” – Flip R.

“It’s hard to believe we’ll never see Derek Jeter play another mostly pointless exhibition game again, outside of all of the Yankees games in September.” – Blaine M.

“You have to think all the National League coaches will get fired after this.” – Miranda F.

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On Yoenis Cespedes winning the Home Run Derby again …


“Anyone who can out-slug Todd Frazier is a legend for all-time in my book.” – Reed L.

“Billy Beane’s sabermetric approach is the best at finding sluggers to win novelty baseball exhibition contests.” – Kassandra B.

“I think they should have had an opposite-field single derby this year in honor of Derek Jeter.” – Lee V.

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On Germany winning the World Cup …


“This could really help make soccer popular in Germany.” – Neil S.

“I hope Germany winning makes SCHWEINSTEIGER a household name. It’s fun to say. Try it. SCHWEINSTEIGER! See?” – Kim D.

“All of the Germans on the U.S. team have to be pretty excited.” – Larry R.

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On LeBron drawing out his free agency decision …


“My sister once took three weeks to decide on a job. I assumed she was carefully considering a major life decision. Now I know that anyone who takes more than 24 hours is a total asshole.” – Randall H.

“At least this time his decision isn’t raising millions for charity. That was so annoying.” – Annabelle J.

“He’s probably still deciding whether he wants to play for a mentally unstable owner and in front of people so angry and pathetic that they burned their clothing over sports. No easy decision there.” – Pierre H.

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On Argentina beating Netherlands in the World Cup semis …


“I think it was disrespectful for them to play just 24 hours after all those Brazilian players were killed.” – Ron L.

“Arjen Robben just couldn’t step up big and fall down in the clutch.” – Sally J.

“The Germany-Argentina final is going to do great numbers in the Nazi war criminal demo.” – Anna H.

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On Germany beating Brazil, 7-1, in the World Cup semis …


“It’s a tragedy that Kaka isn’t still on Brazil. That could have made for some great pun headlines.” – Darren V.

“What a waste of all those billions on soccer stadiums. They could have used that money to build a time machine to go back to when Brazil was good at soccer.” – Sonya J.

“After that humiliation, you have to think Brazil will be really motivated for Game 2 of the series.” – Oskar H.

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On Chris Bosh being offered 4 years, $88 million by the Rockets …


“That seems like a lot of money to offer a guy who is not LeBron James.” – Pete D.

“He has to appreciate Houston’s offer being easily divisible by the four years. Decimal points can be pretty annoying.” – Alan J.

“Adding Chris Bosh would make the Rockets the clear favorite to be the second-best NBA team in Texas.” – Melissa N.

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On Novak Djokovic winning Wimbledon

over Roger Federer in five sets …


Between tennis, the World Cup and the Spurs, I’m getting a little tired of people from other countries being good at sports.” – Fred N.

“It was really hard for me to figure out who was who since they both wore the same white uniform for some reason.” Aimee Q.

“I’m starting to think Roger Federer will never match Jack Nicklaus’ record for most championships in a country club sport.” – LJ R.

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On an arbitrator ruling Jimmy Graham to be a tight end …


“I bet the arbitrator just pulled up Graham’s player page and looked for his position and saw that it says TE. That’s what I would have done.” – Clarabelle S.

“When do they rule on Peyton Manning’s position?” – Sepp L.

“This is just the kind of intrigue and excitement that makes the NFL king.” – Ryan P.

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On the U.S. getting eliminated from the World Cup …


“I wore a goddam scarf in July for these guys and they just go out and lose?” – Lance M.

“I think we’ll be even better in 2018, especially with Landon Donovan coming off eight years of rest.” – Shea B.

“Tim Howard really made a name for himself. I bet he’ll land a Subway spot with some random Olympians.” – Reesa K.

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On the U.S. taking on Belgium in the World Cup …


“You have to think that deep inside the U.S. players want to lose and get eliminated. No one wants to spend the 4th of July overseas.” – Joe N.

“I’m definitely steering clear of my city’s Little Belgium section if they win.” – Delia K.

“Considering Belgians’ love of beer, chocolate and fries, I say we try to push the match to extra time and then just wait for them all to die of heart disease.” – Kyle Z.

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See June 2014′s Reader HOT TAKES …

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