Dear Miami, All Of South Florida and Miami Heat Supporters Wherever You May Be Today;
As you now know, our former hero, who won his only rings in the very region that he deserted this afternoon, is no longer a Miami Heat.
This was announced after a several day process, culminating with a co-authored magazine article of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be … you know what? I can’t do this.
I honestly don’t give a shit.
LeBron wanted to go back to his home state. I get that. The Heat are really going to suck now. There’s no way around that.
I’m not going to try to blow smoke up your ass. We’re going to be terrible. And again: I honestly don’t care. And let’s be honest: neither do you.
I’ve accomplished everything you can in this game as a coach and an executive. I’m 69 years-old. I’m loaded. Just crazy rich. I have an amazing house. No … HOMES. You should see them. Gorgeous.
There is no possible way I’m sticking around to rebuild this now smoldering ash heap of a team.
I’m quitting. Immediately. I’ve got a bottle of Scotch and a beach house waiting for me.
Good luck to whoever is left. Shabazz Napier and Josh McRoberts, I guess. Yikes.
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