New Oakland Raiders quarterback Matt Schaub has found it easy to establish his credibility in the team’s locker room, armed with the tale of his magical 19-13 win over the Cincinnati Bengals in the wildcard round of the 2012-2013 NFL playoffs.
“Fellas, gather ’round,” Schaub said today, addressing the Raiders locker room. “Let me tell you a little bit about the promised land and achieving your football dreams.”
Schaub’s teammates dutifully gathered around, sitting cross-legged on the locker room floor around him, listening with faces full of wonder.
“Let me take you back to the year 2012, well … 2013, actually, because the calendar had just changed,” said Schaub. “Back to a little something called the wildcard playoff round.”
“Whoa!” several of Schaub’s Oakland teammates exclaimed.
“Yep. The wildcard round against the Bengals of Cincinnati,” the quarterback continued.
“Whoa! No way!” several more teammates called out.
“I’ve heard of them!” said another.
“Yes, it was a real NFL playoff game and I started at quarterback,” said Schaub, before pausing dramatically and continuing: “And won.”
At that the Raider locker room erupted into screams and shrieks of shock and delight.
“Can I have your autograph?” yelled out one excited coach.
“Okay, okay. Calm down, everyone. Calm down,” Schaub said. “Let me continue. Yes, it was a real wildcard playoff game, and I was under center. I don’t want to brag, but I threw for 262 yards and had only one interception in the game. We won 19-13. So, yeah, if you want to achieve your football dreams, follow me. I once outplayed Andy Dalton. I know a thing or two about the big time.”
With that, Schaub’s teammates mobbed him, lifted him up on their shoulders and carried him around the locker room chanting: “HERO SCHAUB! HERO SCHAUB! HERO SCHAUB!”
The Raider QB did not regale his new teammates with the tale of the other playoff game he played in his career, a 13-point loss to the Patriots.
– – – – –
Also see …