Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler begrudgingly began another football season today when he took a long, slow drag on his cigarette and snuffed it out on the ground with his foot before sighing and slowing walking onto the practice field.
“I guess I have to do this again,” Cutler said glumly to no one in particular. “May as well get it over with.”
The 2014 season will be Cutler’s ninth in the NFL and sixth with the Bears, “but every year it’s harder to show up,” he told a reporter. Cutler then added: “Wait, why am I talking to you? Go away. You’re a nobody.”
After extinguishing his cigarette, Cutler strolled over to a coach and said: “So, do you have plays or whatever for me to do?”
A few minutes later Cutler was seen lobbing some passes to a Bears receiver in between scrolling through his cell phone. He then laid down on his back, put his hat over his eyes and took a 30-minute nap while practice continued around him. He finally woke up when a whistle was blown near him.
“What the hell, man?” he said, rolling over. “I’m trying to rest up for the season and you guys are blowing goddam whistles. Come on.”
The quarterback then went back to his room to play Madden.
“You know, to learn our plays or whatever.”
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