B-E-L-G-I-U-M Acrostic for All the Ways Belgium is Dumb


B-Belgian fries

Every hear of Belgian fries? Nope. Of course not. Because it’s not a thing. They’re called French fries. But the fried potato slices the world knows as “French fries” were actually first made in Belgium. It’s true. Yet Belgium is so weak they couldn’t even keep the name of something they invented. They couldn’t even prevent the French from taking it away from them. The French!


Belgium has three official languages. Is one of them English, the world’s most widely-spoken language? Nope. Spanish? Nope. Mandarin? No, sir. Their three official languages are Dutch, German and French. Why just have one dead language when you can go with three? Idiots.


Lambic beer is native to Belgium’s Senne valley. Lambic beer is the first fruit beer. Lambic beer ruined beer.


“The Smurfs” are a Belgian creation. The Smurfs are a bunch of blue men who shared a single woman. Gargamel was the sworn enemy of the Smurfs. Can’t blame the guy for being against forced polygamy. Yet the Belgians made him out to be the bad guy. Tells you a lot about Belgians.

I-In Bruges

“In Bruges” was a crap movie. “In Bruges” is the kind of movie dumb people think is smart and stylistic. “In Bruges” is the Malcolm Gladwell of movies. (Not surprisingly, several Belgian soccer players have stupid Malcolm Gladwell hair.)


Brussels has an Underpants Museum. This is what these Smurfs-loving perverts consider to be high culture.


The greatest Belgian athlete in history is considered to be Eddy Merckx. He won the Tour de France a bunch in the late ’60s and early ’70s. Yes, a cyclist from 40 years ago is the absolute peak of Belgium’s athletic history. A cyclist. Pathetic. 

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Also see … 

10 Reasons Soccer is Un-American

The Worst Cleavage Pics of Hot World Cup WAGs

SP’s 2014 FIFA World Cup page