18 Signs You’re a Professional Golfer


1. A golf cart is not carrying your golf clubs. Some guy is.

2. When you hit someone with a shot, instead of screaming curse words at you, they ask for your autograph.

3. Not all of the players on the course are drunk and smoking.

4. People actually listen to you when you give them swing tips.

5. None of the golf balls you use were found in a pond.

6. You are often paid with giant novelty checks.

7. Complete strangers call the course and rat you out when you break a rule or try to cheat.

8. Your least stylish clothing was provided to you by sponsors, not purchased at Sears.

9. The guy in the ridiculous John Daly pants can drive the ball nearly 400 yards and has won two majors.

10. Your only shots that roll on the ground the whole way are putts.

11. A co-worker named Bubba is not a janitor, but a multi-millionaire.

12. Despite having world class hand-eye coordination, you struggle to successfully complete a high-five.

13. When you are playing well, your wife/girlfriend comes to the course with you on Sunday in a low-cut top to watch.

14. You think Phil Mickelson is less lovable everyman, more insincere dickhead.

15. Your Buick is a source of income, not personal shame.

16. None of your playing partners loudly belch in your backswing.

17. Your best golf score ever came in real golf, not EA’s Tiger Woods: PGA Tour.

18. When you get a birdie, you don’t necessarily tell all of your friends about it.

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Also see … 

VIDEO: Henrik Stenson broke a golf club … again … but didn’t bloody himself this time

The 9 People You’ll See at Every Golf Course

SP’s Golf page