Caught up in the Johnny Manziel media circus, President Barack Obama decided today that he, too, would like Manziel as part of his team, drafting the former Texas A&M standout into the United States Army.
“Johnny’s a leader, first and foremost,” said Obama regarding Manziel, who will legally have to abide by Obama’s commands or risk up to five years of jail time. “And in America, we put a high price on leadership, football field or otherwise. I know I speak for the rest of the Congress and House committees who approved this legislation, when I say we’re excited to see what Johnny can bring to Afghanistan.”
Early reports indicate Manziel would be joining Infantry Unit 81 stationed somewhere near Afghanistan’s southern border. U.S. Army Special Ops sniper, Lucas DuPont, has already expressed frustration over the attention Manziel is receiving.
“I go out there day in, day out, protecting and serving our country,” commented DuPont, an active member of the U.S. military for over seven years, “and Manziel – who hasn’t even shown up yet – has the media talking about him like he’s the next George S. Patton. I mean, let the guy kill some people first before he’s given the purple star.”
Manziel, who already has the Army’s top selling dogtag, recently took to Twitter to address the draft, posting a picture of himself as a child wearing camouflage pants, captioned: “It was meant to be! Excited to serve and protect! Go U.S.!”
UPDATE: (2:14 EST) Johnny Manziel has been kicked out of the U.S. Army. Official statement from White House: “We didn’t expect this level of attention and weren’t ready for it. Nor were we prepared for the rise in global hatred towards America. We apologize for our missteps.”
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