“Obviously, football has moved past us, even though we invented the sport,” said Thomas Ferguson, director of the English Office for Sport. “For our national pride and piece of mind, it’s time to create a new game. A game that only we know how to play in hopes we can beat other nations at it.”
England was once an international power in association football, winning the World Cup in 1966. And while the world’s premier professional league lies within its borders, the nation itself has grown increasingly ineffective playing against other nations.
“In the early years of football we were great,” said Ferguson. “We need to make the early years of another sport so we can be great at that, too.”
While the details of the sport have yet to be ironed out, those pushing for a new game want the rules to be so complex it will take years for competitors from other nations to figure out the intricacies.
“Also, in order to be a good fit for the English athlete,” said Ferguson, “speed, strength, agility or athleticism of any kind will not factor greatly in performing well in this grand new game of ours.”
Most linked to the effort say the new sport will likely be an English history quiz game conducted will competitors slowly jog.
“Basically, we want to use the model the American did inventing all of those snowboard sports to win Winter Olympics gold medals,” said an official.
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