The 17 Worst (Real) Horse Names in Belmont Stakes History


Accountant (1906)

If you want the crowd to go crazy, you get them to cheer for an Accountant! Woooo! Accountant finished 3rd in 1906, probably because greater prize money would have pushed him into a higher tax bracket.

Best Laid Plans (1976)

The full saying is: “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” This horse finished 8th. Pretty awry.

Bold Ego (1981)

Okay, we’re going to sit on this horse, ride him around, kick him, whip him, have him sleep in a barn and stand in his own feces. Whoa. He doesn’t like this? Check out the Bold Ego on this one!

Canadian Factor (1983)

There’s little more intimidating than the Canadian Factor. This horse politely finished 7th.

Choker (1963)

Nothing like support from the owners and trainer to help a horse’s confidence. Choker finishing in 3rd place in 1963 is pretty good considering it was known going into it that he’s a friggin’ Choker.

Crimson Satan (1962)

Satanic horses are the worst. They kill so many of their friends with their animal sacrifices.

Dunce (1959)

Look at this stupid horse. He’s so dumb he doesn’t even ask for any of his prize money. What a Dunce.

Faraway (1948)

Yep. Very Faraway. Way back in 8th place, to be precise.

Mr. Bones (1936)

Just a helpful reminder to the horse that if he should break or even fracture any of his many bones, he will be summarily shot in the head.

Nanki Poo (1895)

We are aware that horses constantly expel feces from their rear-ends. No need for additional reminders. Thanks.

Nolan’s Cat (2005)

“What shall we name our regal steed?”

“You know what? He actually reminds me less of a horse, and more of my buddy Nolan’s cat.”

Rifle (1877)

It’s never far away, horse. It’s never far away. One second you’ll be running, the next your brains will be all over Turn 2. Never forget.

Sham (1973)

Yep. Fifth place.

Snob II (1922)

Apparently a lot of these horses are assholes.

The Doge (1945)

Wow. So before time. Much name. Very pre-memes. Such 7th place.

Trombone (1883)

Nothing makes one think of triumph quite like the trombone. Wah-waaaaaaaaaah.

Young Peter (1947)

Pervert horse.

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