The sport we call “soccer” in the United States is referred to as “football” in the rest of the world on account of the players in the sport kicking the ball with their feet. While many things Europeans do — such as taking vacations and not always being at war — make little to no sense, the name of their beloved sport does have some logic to it.
The uniform a team wears is referred to as its kit. However, the goalie always wears a different color shirt so novice fans can more easily see who to blame every loss on.
The soccer field is referred to as the pitch by English people or American fans who are desperate to sound like proper football fans. If you were born or raised in England or if you are pretentious douche who is unbearable to be around, definitely call the field the pitch. If not, “field” is fine.
What a coach is to a traditional American sports team, the manager is to a soccer/football team. For example, Jurgen Klinsmann is the U.S. Men’s National Team’s manager, not its coach. This is similar to how baseball has a team manager, except soccer managers don’t wear uniforms (kits). This is too bad because Klinsmann probably has a nice set of stems on him.
FIFA is the governing body of international soccer. FIFA is an acronym from the French Fédération internationale de football association. It is pronounced FEE-fuh, which serves as a helpful reminder that bribe fees must be paid to top officials in exchange for favors.
England is a country that is part of Great Britain. You many know it best as the country that provides villains or weak, bumbling idiots to many movies. They think they are really good at football. They are not. They are extremely overrated. They are pretty much the Dallas Cowboys of international football. Mock them as such.
injury time / stoppage time
Injury time, often also called stoppage time, is time added on to the end of each 45-minute half to compensate for any interruptions in play that occurred. An extra four or five minutes are usually added. Thankfully this practice is not done in the popular American sport of basketball, or every game would go on for all of eternity.
Racism is hating a person or viewing them as inferior simply because of their race. While racism is frowned upon in the United States, it is quite prevalent in international football. Scream as many racist, hateful things as possible to fit in with other fans.
This is a soccer term no one uses anymore. Don’t say it or you will sound stupid.
To patronize is to speak to someone as though they are a moron while presenting a face of helpful kindness. World Cup 101 articles such as this are an example of patronizing because most every sports fan knows all of the previous information. If you don’t, you’re no doubt a complete buffoon who was unable to read most of the words on this page anyway. For example, you don’t even know that I’m calling you a moron right now because you can’t read these words. You’re that hopelessly dumb. Hey, everyone! Come over and look at the dolt drooling and staring at this screen, unable to decipher what it says!
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