Larry Bird Hoping to Inspire Pacers with Really Racist Rant

bird-presser-topstoryIndiana Pacers team president Larry Bird says he plans to unload a long, racist rant today at the team’s shoot-around in a desperate attempt to motivate the team to play well before it’s too late.

“The Clippers really came together after Donald Sterling was banned from the league and I hope I can get a similar result with the racist words I’m going to spew,” said Bird. “In fact, I called Donald this morning for advice on what to say. He told me to just speak from the heart and be honest with what I really think about black people. Unfortunately, I don’t think that will work in my case since I’m not actually racist.”

Bird say he has been preparing for his racist rant by searching for racist things on the Internet.

“Wow. There’s a lot out there,” he said. “You should check out the comments sections on Yahoo, FoxNews and YouTube. Amazing, amazing racism. I’m mainly just going to read Internet comments I printed out, but make it sound like it’s me who is saying them.”

The Celtics legend says he had asked head coach Frank Vogel to say racist stuff to the team yesterday, but Vogel refused — likely sealing his fate after the season.

“If Frank refuses to say racist stuff with an eye on winning an NBA title, that’s not going to fly,” said a Pacers front office source. “It shows what kind of leader Larry is, and how much of a competitor he is, that he’s willing to do this. It will destroy his legacy. He’ll forever be remembered as a racist. But he’d rather be remembered as a racist than the guy who built a No. 1 seed that lost to the Hawks.”

Pacers players have already gotten wind of Bird’s plan and say it probably won’t work.

“We know Larry,” said forward Paul George. “We know he’s not racist. Seeing him have to stoop to that level to try to get us to win, well … it will probably just depress us even more than we already are. Unfortunately, I don’t think anything can save us at this point. Not even racism.”

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